It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I am in the US and already I have lost my cousin. Not...dramatically. She was going to meet me in the international arrivals lounge and here I sit and I cannot find her. So, alas, I think my San Fransico Sara plans have been dealt a deathly blow.

I am so dramatic when I am sleepy. Also I was talking to my step-daddy and the stupid phone cut me off :( And my mommy isn't home to complain to. HUMPH! And today is very windy up in the skies. Both flights have been like long earthquakes. In the air. In a tube.

I slept on the plane and totally snored. Buuahaha! I also watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes twice because once I chose it and then they showed it again on the long flight where they don't have on demand. So I got to notice all the parts they edited out. Like Draco Malfoy's Tom Felton's fate. It just went black. Glad I saw it with that bit in because...uhm...yeah. Also James Franco is tasty as is Frieda Pinto.

All I can see out the window here is smog and smart carts. But it's a magical land, yo. GOD the US depresses me so much. Seriously. And no one is here yet to make it better!

EDIT: The 'welcome to the US' video they showed in customs had all these Americans going "welcome to our country" and not one of them was Native American though they seemed to work every other race of people in there (so at least it wasn't white-washed which is something). You'd think, considering it's a welcome to our country video, they should like...put some of the people who were here first in the damn video. Just a thought.

I have been looking forward to going to the US because being here in the city of Aftershocks and Gloom hasn't been great for the old brainpan. But my trip to Te Anau and various made me feel so incredibly good. So now I'm all "wah, I have to leave my home for two months!" It does make it better than I get my family though :D But I will miss my friends and my cats and my house and my housemates and all the things. In the long run, two months isn't too long. Just feels like it right now!

So in 10 and a half hours I will wake up and take a shower and then I will head for the airport. Then I will be in Sydney before heading to the US. I get to see my cousin in San Francisco, and then my mommy in Helena, Montana. I can catch up on writing all the things, since there are few distractions in Montana, especially in winter.

I feel so much better though. It's...awesome. I just really needed to get out of this city, even though I love it so much. Touring the south island of NZ was amazing. This county is gorgeous and I think, despite wanting to leave it for the UK for a while, I think I kind of want to stay. We'll see how things go. But I feel at home here. It's lovely.

So now I have to clean my room for Woot to move in to it for two months. I should vacuum for him too, since the floor is covered with catfood. Echo is a messy eater. I can't wait until I can come back and cuddle the kitties again though! I will miss my babies!

It is hot today. As an aside. It's gross.

I so overdid it on the days I had energy. I have spent the last two days basically sleeping and nothing else. Both days I went to take 'a nap' and ended up sleeping twelve hours and when I woke up I was really confused. I have been awake three hours now and I am ready to go back to bed.

Must stay awake. Have class. And if I have another cup of coffee I'll be shaking too hard to take notes...

Alison gets home tonight though omgomgomg and I will wake up when she gets here I DON'T EVEN CARE because :D:D:D Then she has to leave me again. I can sleep while I'm alone!

Those days I had energy though...gosh they were good. And it did go to show me that this won't last forever even if it does feel like it.

And I looked up plane tickets to the US yesterday and it's cheaper for my parents if I stay for like...two months. Cheaper by 1,000 dollars. Which is the choice I would make if I were buying them! It'll be nice to get away. And if I sleep this much in Montana, at least I'm not missing anything ;)

Very few of my friends seem to use LJ any more. So I'm going to spam it. So there.

It's 6:30 in the morning and I am sitting in the living room with a cup of tea and some apple pie. It's lovely and overcast outside (I like clouds) and it's that perfect shade of calm, morning grey in here. It feels peaceful and perfect. I love mornings when I am not ridiculously tired and I don't have to be anywhere. They're gorgeous.

Soon my mother will call, and that will make the morning even better! Then I shall do my shopping. Today already feels really nice. It pleases me!

1. My family is the most awesome thing in the world.

2. Still waiting on my program to confirm my results to the loan people so I can get my second semester loan. If this is refused, this entire year is basically a wash. And it's 7 weeks til the end of term (break weeks not included) So. That sucks. But-

3. My family is still the most awesome thing in the world.

4. I now have all The Kills albums! :D

5. Simon is wonderful for cheering me up.

6. My family is seriously the most awesome thing in the world.

My MOTHER sent me this link to a Tim Minchin interview here on NPR. Apparently my Aunt heard it and couldn't stop laughing at how adorable he is and she called my mother to tell her she had heard that comedian I loved and she needed to tell me.

My family is so freaking awesome, I swear.

Semester 2 has started and already I have had a class cancelled because the university just didn't figure out the class venue in time. I can't deal well with this. I miss the Social Work building. It was a safe and familiar place. Being in a different room every time and not knowing where classes are or when until an hour before is nerve-wracking and I am a person who likes constancy and normalcy. I have anxiety disorders. These things are important.

It might just be that I am still sick and overly tired, but I don't want to go back at all. And it's not that I don't love what I am studying, because I do (except for policy omfg). I still want to be a social worker and I still want my degree, but I am starting to think this year might be a wash. I can't concentrate on anything, and I already put off my first placement. Now apparently I should have heard about my second placement by now but I haven't so I had to email them to remind them I got permission to do the second placement without the first, given by the program coordinator who said he wasn't worried about me because dammit, I'm awesome. I don't know what do to. It's all...*sigh* I need my student loan, which is the only reason I stayed enrolled at all. If I can't concentrate enough to study, and yet I can't really drop out, what the ever livin' fuck can I do, eh?

Part of me wants to quit and go study the rest of my degree in Ireland or something. But I love the people here. Hrrnnnggghhhh. And I did love the city, but it's gone now.

Fuck it all. Fuck this earthquake. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck motherfucking fuck fuck fuck. Can it be December now so I can go see my mommy?

If I haven't mentioned lately how much my mother rocks then here: my mother is pure awesome.

So I've been looking for birthday cards for you and haven't found the right one, so I gave up and decided I'd just confirm what I would have told you in the card-- that as long as you have the time at Christmas to come home, we will figure out how to get you here. If you have any $ to throw into the hat, that would be good, but your birthday/Christmas present will be whatever is needed to make up the difference for the ticket. If that's ok with you.

Uh. YEAH THAT'S OKAY WITH ME! Yay, Christmas with my family! I haven't had a Christmas that felt like Christmas since 2003. It's the one time of year I want snow and not summertime. And turkey and my mother's stuffing instead of a barbecue. Though Lewi's dad did do AWESOME and epic barbecues which always tasted of amazing, they still never felt right. Last year was good, but I still missed being in Montana.

And my sister and her family might be there too and just <3<3<3. This is what I needed right now when I feel sick and blah and hurgh. Perfect.

I was feeling down today (LONG story) so I decided to do something constructive to take the feeling away (social work training, oy) so I wanted to make a post of all the photos of people and places and things that mean something to me. And when I started to plan it, I realised just how long it would be if I put everyone into it. And that made me feel so amazing, you have no idea...

I did it anyway deciding I would only use photos I have taken myself (or by my family since I wasn't at the reunion to take those and I didn't take the ones of me as a kid, but you get the point!) to cut down on spamming random Hugh Jackman pictures ;). Not everyone that should be here is including my friends in Australia. Woot, Peter, Laura and Ness, I have no (not blurry) photos of you!! And there are other friends who aren't on here, but be that as it may, here it is. Some of my happy things.

( To me you are perfect )

Early night tonight because my mommy is making me! :O!! For some reason, she thinks waking up at a reasonable hour is like...important. Pffft.

ANYWAY, Leah and Charlie I found this banner in my pictures and it's Ate and Apate! I have NO idea who made it, but finding it made me laugh. Especially the text on it!