It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I just talked myself out of the sexiest shoes. They would have made me nearly seven feet tall, no exaggeration. But what I need if I am going to interviews are sensible shoes not LOOK I AM AN AMAZON.

But LOOK AT THEM!

Shoelust.

This is what I get for being an adult. Why can't I have the shoes I would legitimately wear nowhere?! Stupid logic. Humph.

They looked so good on me, you guys. I never used to wear heels because first of all I am six feet tall and I worry about towering over people, and secondly I am...uncoordinated is a nice way of putting it. But heels which are not spikey I can handle walking in. And they make my legs look awesome.

Maybe if I get a position I can get sexy shoes which are completely impractical and make me a giant. I dream big, y'all. So today instead of shoes, I bought grape soda so I could indulge in a little American nostalgia.

Nostalgia apparently tastes like grapey ass.

Birthday party with a 3-D TARDIS cake is awesome! This entire year was a Doctor Who year. I got a pen with a floating TARDIS, a TARDIS mug and a sonic screwdriver flashlight. The ninth/tenth doctor's of course. While Three is my favourite, his sonic screwdriver was this weird thing with red and yellow bits and it whirled and I did not love it. And Eleven's is wanky-doodle-dandy.

The most impressive part of this though is that I just lasted from 7-11pm at a party. Being social. And I have only retired to my room because I am tired now. But I talked and I was SO charming. Hurrah!

TARDIS cake!

(All my Doctor Who icons have been deactivated because my subscription to extra userpics ran out dammit!)

First time since I was 14.

He is with my grandmother, helping her in the wake of my grandpa's death.

Dad lives in South Carolina now and his Southern accent is back and it was so strange to hear. So different from when I was growing up. Much more like my grandparent's voices mixed with my brother's. That was weird. When I first heard him I was like "Boy? Why are you in Florida?!" but then he was all Southern and awkward.

We had a conversation. An actual conversation, and it was strangely nice. I'm not expecting too much because I don't feel like getting my hopes up and having them all dashed to pieces, but it was nice to talk to him and not feel such anger towards someone who isn't even in my life any more.

He said he was proud of me. I rather liked that.

Imma eat my McDonald's and watch a lot of crap.

Last night I had a dream my grandpa died. Followed by my lovely Auntie Ann being diagnosed with some horrible thing blah.

Less than an hour ago my sister called and said my grandpa had died. I knew it had to be bad when my sister was on the phone. (♥) He had a stroke in his sleep and died without really waking up which is good. I haven't seen him since I was about 15 though I talked to him a little in 2010 right before I moved here. He was a lovely and funny guy when I was younger but I have basically already grieved for losing him from my life. So this feels weird. I mean this is the man who survived a tree falling on him.

I called my grandmother. I saw her much more recently during a visit to my sister's house and again talked to her in 2010. She sounded not great, and understandably so since she was with him for over 60 years. It was actually a good talk, despite me fearing it would be really awkward. She sounded a little better by the end of it, though how long that lasts, who knows. I feel...numbysad. That's a thing. But I'm going to send my grandma a letter and some pictures. I hope it cheers her up. She said she always wanted to see New Zealand so I'll get some pictures printed of the places around here too.

If it turns out my aunt is really sick, I will be so pissed off. I am pretty sure my subconscious made up the disease though, so we might be fine.

I just had a dream that I was watching a zombie movie in my childhood home which doesn't even belong to us any more. But in the dream it did. And the movie was SET in my childhood home. The movie-makers had scouted the location and filmed part of it there, lalala.

So in the movie apparently zombies couldn't eat people in the country unless they had permission or they were in a special field. I DON'T KNOW! So they broke into my garage while the main character was getting wood for the fireplace over on my side of the house. The zombies couldn't eat the main character so they ATE MY CAT! Well, Binky was actually my sister's cat and our family had him from when I was about 7 until I was 24ish when he died of old age. He was in the garage and the zombies ate him. And I'm watching this movie IN THAT HOUSE so I had to run down the stairs and make sure he was okay. Apparently the filmmakers wanted to incorporate Binky into the movie. WHO KNOWS WHY. Binky was a one-eyed, crooked-jawed awesomekitty who had been hit by a car and was still badass. So I suppose having him killed by zombies in a movie IS pretty fitting for his awesomeness. And then I was all blogging, "that awkward moment when watching a zombie movie set in your house and zombies eat your cat". Yeah. Because that happens all the time.

Naomi Watts was also in the movie. And then the main guy was all cutting her head off and then someone knocked on my door and I woke up because my carpet arrived. It matches my drapes.

*sniggles*

I'm in Missoula! Jayannpants lives here! She made cupcakes! She is a cupcake artist, I am not even kidding. She made lavender and lemon curd ones which homg. Her parents came to town and took us to breakfast at Paul's Pancake Parlour which sounds lame but dear GOD I love it so much yay.

I went to Jayann's dance performance and she was amazingly awesome. Beforehand, I had some time to kill so I walked around the University campus. I randomly went to the bookstore to see if my Laramie Dean was working so I could surprise him and make him make :O! face. He wasn't there, but randomly, my uncle Leo was. So I was like "Leo Gallagher! HEY!" and then we talked about my cousin Dylan who speaks Irish and is going back to Ireland in January. Leo was in Missoula for the Griz football game last night which they won so hard (GO GRIZ, RAWR). He was like "I haven't had a break in months so it was nice to come here and have some downtime." And I informed him that we were aware because we see him on the news every night. He's the county attorney, so he's always in the court...news...part. Anyway, it was nice and random to see him hanging out in my old University bookstore.

Also while Jayann was at nutcracker practice I was talking her teacher randomly and then to this man wearing a Vietnam vet hat who was in the waiting room who had overheard our conversation about New Zealand. He asked me "why are you in New Zealand, I've always wanted to go there" and mentally I was like "Lara, do not tell a Vietnam war veteran you don't like the US because of the blind patriotism..." So I kind of mumbled something about reasons. But seriously I had random conversations with people I don't know and didn't freak out.

IS THIS WHAT NORMAL FEELS LIKE BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD AND NICE.

Finally closed my Australian bank account. I have been meaning to do this for months, back when there was like $20 in it. Now there is 4, which is pointless to transfer so I asked them to donate it to a charity. It was one of the options they gave me, though I feel ridiculous donating $4. But you know. It's better than nothing...

I have been tossing up writing up childhood stories. The (mostly) good ones, not the messed up ones. I grew up in a small town in the mountains and when I watch movies set in the 50s where kids are growing up it always makes me giggle because it was like that. Running all over town without worrying about safety really. Playing outside and not sitting in front of computers all the time. It would be an interesting writing exercise and I think we got up to some incredibly amusing and interesting things. And my memory is awesome, so I should write this shiz down while that is still true. Not that I am all "woe is me, I'm 30 and it's all downhill from here" because it's not. This isn't an age thing at all. It's just a desire to write it out.

Also I have quesadillas in the fridge. And tomorrow is fajitas and margaritas day (and also chocolate mousse if I can find the recipe). Life is good :D

Now. Scream 4. Since I refuse to write it in text speak.

( Spoilers galore. Don't click unless you've seen it or don't care! )

So you see this aftershock report yes?

Leah and I had just gone to see Sream 4 (which I will talk about in a different entry so people can comment and not fear spoilers) and the movie had just finished. We just left the theatre and we were in the hall when this weird noise started happening and the floor shook and I was like "oh my god, are there people running around in...oh the vending machines are shaking...oh. OH." And then the fire door started to close. The really big fire door that locks people in to lock fire out and keep it contained? Yeah. And the evacuation alarm went off and we see this tiny girl who worked at the cinema trying to keep the door open so Leah grabbed it and leaned against it and I pushed higher up (I am way tall but this door was like three times as tall as me...) to hold it open so the hundreds of people still in the cinema could get out.

The poor girl was freaking out. She said, "I just got here!" Poor thing. So yes, Leah and I held the door for about five minutes until it finally stopped trying to shut. It was so heavy, my word.

Everything at home is fine! My cupboard doors were open though and I was like "Dammit, Ariadne!" until I realised the earth had opened my doors, not my poor kitten without opposable thumbs.

I am so glad the movie had just finished not a minute before that. The credits had just started to roll (I just realised I missed the picture credits but you know...whatevers...)

So now I am eating roast. Good day!

I don't know.

I posted a thingy on Tumblr last night which was metaphorical of how I'm feeling inside, even though I was talking about something else. It's here in case you feel like reading it. Behold how goddamn deep I am, you guys, omg.

I just feel really fragile. I managed to actually write something I didn't hate. In fact, I really love it. And that made me want to watch Michael Collins so I could Irish!historygasm. Yeah. If you're feeling fragile, watching Michael Collins WILL make you sob for two hours straight. Just, you know, FYI. But GOD that movie. I love it. It is so well done. And it amuses me to see Jonathan Rhys Meyers in one of his first film roles. Where he gets to use his actual accent!

I'm just worn out. And people keep asking me questions I have no way of answering and it pisses me off when it shouldn't. But I don't know when my course will start again and I don't know when my placement will start again and I don't know when real life will resume. We only just got water on at full strength and considering the way it's been going on and off for days at a time, who knows if it will stay that way. Some of the city is still without power and water at ALL, let alone the people who lost homes and families and lives. So yeah, I don't know when classes will resume again.

Stop asking.