It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

So you know how when some people get old and boring all they talk about is their health?

...

Yesterday I got the results of the blood test I took two weeks ago. All the good things were positive and all the bad things were negative so that's good. Except that my folate levels were low. Apparently it happens in people with CFS. Normal levels are 170-600 and mine were at around 130. Apparently under 110 nerve damage can start happening so I'm glad they caught that! So they gave me a B12 shot. It was red and it felt like it was flooding my arm with pain when it went in, but I don't mind.

I had to have another blood test too. I don't even remember what all they are testing for this time except caeliac's disease or something to do with it. Really though, all the tests are good. Making sure everything is working is handy and they wouldn't have caught this folate thing if it weren't for the tests!

Hopefully the B12 and the high dose vitamin D I am on will start to give me some kind of improvement. I am still too tired to write anything not personal, which makes me sad! It's my escape but I can't focus on it! And then I fall asleep. Apparently I talked to Alison in my sleep yesterday. Oops!

And really, my mood is awesome. So I can't complain about that! With all this going on, I still feel lovely mood-wise. And that's so great.

My house mates are currently hanging out at a Dresden Dolls soundcheck. I am so excited for them. Then they will be at the concert which I am not going to because I don't really enjoy concerts. I did go to the ninja gig yesterday though and it was awesome. My favourite part was actually talking to Hera but shhh. It was AWESOME and I got some kickass photos.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow for more blood tests just to make sure everything is still okay in the face of this fatigue. Then I am sending off like 5 applications. Today my doctor upped my does of citalopram so I can fight the depression as well as the anxiety. Of course the first week after you mess with meds is always crappy. I might wait until tomorrow after I get the blood test so I don't panic about leaving the house. At least needles don't bother me! But no reason to make myself feel worse before attempting to arrange things. Blah.

I have a cold so I am currently lamenting that I can't sing! Yesterday in an attempt not to spread my disease to Amanda Palmer I told her no hugs and so she headbutted my hip. It was amusing. I wouldn't hug Hera either so she airhugged me!

Hopefully I'll get myself sorted soon. I have a doctor note for sickness benefit. So now I just have to send it in.

Been avoiding my journal because LJ pisses me off. So here's a quick update:

Back in New Zealand. Being in the US and avoiding real life was awesome. Now I have to do actual decisions though. Calling WINZ tomorrow to look in to going on disability for chronic fatigue since I still completely crash out of nowhere and just can't do anything. Then I need to up my meds because being sick for so long is depressing and what I'm on isn't enough any more.

Also I have a cold which I am sure I got from the plane.

BUT I am back with my kitties and my housemates. They are such lovely people. I couldn't ask for better people to be with while I slog my way through this.

Once I figure out what I am doing next year, then I need to just get better. Because really? I'd like my life to continue and it feels like it has just stalled. I don't like it.

I was in the crappiest mood (hormones lol) and then suddenly I'm all excited and happy. Thanks a lot, body. You're lovely.

BUT I am going to learn to crochet tomorrow! So I can make scarves! I so want a Doctor Who scarf homg. And we're going shopping for wool so my mother can make me some potholders and dish cloths for our LFoD kitchen. Also I am looking at the easy patterns for stained glass so I can start more projects. I have this gorgeous triple shamrock pattern I will make for me, but I am going to make that one at the class. I can do the easy ones in the basement. My mother set up a workshop because she's adorable. We're also looking for presents for the niece and nephews as well.

And then my sister and her family get here on Thursday. And on Friday I might go to Sherlock Holmes 2 with Maliky and Travis which yayyyy! I am so excited :D

<3

I so overdid it on the days I had energy. I have spent the last two days basically sleeping and nothing else. Both days I went to take 'a nap' and ended up sleeping twelve hours and when I woke up I was really confused. I have been awake three hours now and I am ready to go back to bed.

Must stay awake. Have class. And if I have another cup of coffee I'll be shaking too hard to take notes...

Alison gets home tonight though omgomgomg and I will wake up when she gets here I DON'T EVEN CARE because :D:D:D Then she has to leave me again. I can sleep while I'm alone!

Those days I had energy though...gosh they were good. And it did go to show me that this won't last forever even if it does feel like it.

And I looked up plane tickets to the US yesterday and it's cheaper for my parents if I stay for like...two months. Cheaper by 1,000 dollars. Which is the choice I would make if I were buying them! It'll be nice to get away. And if I sleep this much in Montana, at least I'm not missing anything ;)

I just took this IQ test for funsies (I was watching QI and they were talking about IQ) and it says I'm ~gifted~. So that's a nice little boon to have at 9 in the morning.

Also I woke up at 8 and couldn't get back to sleep. And all I could think was "OH YAY I'M NORMAL AGAIN" because I never used to be able to sleep and since May I haven't been able to stay awake and even when I am I'm exhausted. I feel fine now. I so hope this isn't still just the magic effects of the Vitamin D which will taper off. I don't want to turn back into a zombie again. I can think now and it's awesome. You never realise how bad something actually is until you don't feel it any more and you can compare.

CURE ME, FALSE SUNSHINE IN MY VEINS!

The LFoD is so clean. The kitchen, you should see it. CLEAN. Laura came over to keep me company yesterday too and we had curry and pie and watched Ghost Hunters International. I love that show, hush.

Once I finish the episode of QI I paused in order to take validating online IQ tests, I shall write more and more and more! Taking all the opportunity I can to do so, in case this bout of normalcy goes away!

Helios just ran across my face. Boys, pfft.

EDIT: Helios is actually chewing on my knee through the duvet. Then Echo pounced him and he got all pissy because she interrupted his...chewing. I have no idea what he is even doing. But it made me giggle.

Probably that will stop if he rips my duvet cover!

You must all be so glad when you see a post from me these days. I can feel the excitement from here. I am so sorry this is all I talk about now. But seriously, I can't think about anything else when I feel so wretched.

I finished my law essay and went to class today. Class was okay because I was just sitting there. And I actually enjoyed being a loud-mouthed and opinionated pushy girl so that was nice. Then I had to go turn in my essay on the 6th floor of the history building. I didn't walk up the stairs because my knees can't take it, but I decided to walk down because I hate elevators and hey, we're still getting enough aftershocks that I filled my waterbottle up before I even got in the elevator to go up just in case one knocked the power out and I got stuck.

So I was walking down the stairs and I kept shaking. Mad, knee-knocking, entire body-trembling shaking. And it got gradually worse and worse as I went down. When I was on the third floor, I just burst into tears because I was shaking so badly. Strangely enough, my lecturer was returning to his office which is on the third floor so he whisked me in there and got me some tea while I sobbed on his desk about how I can't even walk down a flight of stairs. I finally managed to suck it up and head for the bus. During the ride Simon was kind enough to keep me distracted so I didn't sob the entire way home.

I napped for several hours and then ate tacos and lots of fruit. I still feel like hell. I think it's actually just one of those days I am stupidly overtired and my blood sugar isn't cooperating and there's nothing I can do about it. I have been eating all day to try to fix it. It tends to work itself out eventually but in the meantime I feel rotten inside. I seriously just ate a huge meal, a nectarine, a mandarin and a banana and I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

I hate my stupid body. (And I have to keep telling myself I am not dying because of my anxiety. SUCH FUN.)

The past few days have been eventful. First, I got Echo a collar and decided she could go outside, since she doesn't just hide under the porch and refuse to come out like certain tortoiseshell cats I know. Her first day outside and she gets stung in the throat by a bee. It swells up to gigantic proportions and I have to take her to an afterhours vet which costs a heck of a lot of money. So guess who gets to stay inside for a little while now. :| Not happy.

The other night I woke myself up screaming! I had been having ghost nightmares all night, but the one I woke up from and finally decided to just stay up involved a room in the basement of my childhood home. But the room was Evil. And we were hanging around outside it, who knows why. One of the cats wandered in and Leah decided she didn't like him in there and she was going to get him out. I watched from the door frame and this random doll was running around to be freaky. Dolls terrify me. And she handed the cat to me but she didn't follow. I went back for her, calling her name. I found her in the corner, staring dead-eyed up at a ghost who had taken her form but twisted and terrifying. And the Leah-ghost turned towards me and rushed me. When Leah-ghost was a centimetre from my face, that's when I woke up screaming. Not.Awesome. Unless it was in a movie. Then really awesome.

Went to the doctor to renew my prescription and complain that I am still tired. I explained that I had even slept about 10 hours last night and woke up feeling like I do when I travel and don't sleep for two days. So tomorrow I have to have MORE tests done. Joy of joys. She said now it's probably just post-virus fatigue, but she wants to rule everything out.

Me? I just want to sleep for like...days. Humph.

But I did get a 1949 edition of Chaucer's Poetical Works in stunning condition from the Uni bookstore's used books shelf for incredibly cheap. It's so beautiful, I want to marry it.

The sleepysleepy virus has been going on since about the 20th of June. It's almost September. So that's nice.

I wasn't tired tonight (after sleeping all weekend long) so I have been awake all night, though I only woke up at 10 pm. So I haven't even been up for 12 hours. But I have plans tonight! So I hope I can nap before then!

How many more months before this is chronic fatigue syndrome? Four? If it lasts that long, I might go legitimately crazy...

I made it to six hours awake! After sleeping for 16. I didn't even know my housemates went out to a comic convention thing this afternoon. Ali was telling me about it and I was like "You weren't gone!" and she was like "...uh huh!" Maaannnn. Comic conventions are my THANG too. Because I am a NERD. But sleep. Sweet sleep.

Now I have to go do that before I pass out. But I made it six hours. And I actually accomplished things while I was awake. I didn't get to all my tags, but I can finish the rest when I wake up. Which hopefully won't be in like twenty hours...

Frak this virus!