It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Today was actually lovely, despite my sincere hate for the day. I have always hated Thanksgiving. I used to get sick on it every year and my mother used to say my body was objecting to the holiday as much as my mind was. But it was nice to be with family I haven't seen in years, including my nephew Sean who is like 12 feet tall now, I swear. Even my step-sister who can be a Sourface McFussypants was in pleasant spirits. She actually seemed interested in my life. SHOCKER. And my nieces were good, amusing fun as always.

Then I came back online and found out my former boss, Doreen, passed away today. I worked under her in Australia and we had our ups and downs, but that was because she knew I was capable of awesomeness. So when I wasn't being awesome, she informed me. And bless her for it. When I said I might want to move, she supported me every single step of the way. She helped me apply, she sent a glowing letter of recommendation along, she checked in with me every day to see how I was doing with the decision since it was a pretty big one... She let Lewi and me housesit while she was on vacation once so we could get out of his parents house for a week. She treated me like I mattered and frankly, sometimes in Australia I needed to know that since Lewi and only a few others ever did. And she had no reason to go out of her way for me. She just did. She was a damn classy lady. I am so sad to know I'll never see her again. Not only was she classy, she was hilarious and fun.

When I got accepted to University of Canterbury, she cried and hugged me. She made everyone applaud me when I left. She made work feel like a second home. She was amazing and she will be so missed.

A view of Christchurch from the hills the minute after the quake. I was in the middle of this and so were so many others.

That dust cloud is from collapsing buildings and it is just...so- Indescribable.

On the side of lovely things though, I called my workmates from ACU in Melbourne because they left panicked messages on my Facebook yesterday. It was so nice to talk to them. They put me on speaker phone and they all yelled "HI WE LOVE YOU HOW ARE YOU WE MISS YOU" and various word-clouds of loveliness. Then Lisa spoke to me for a good half an hour before they all got back on to say goodbye. They are so lovely, and I miss them!

Tonight I made a sort of spaghetti sauce out of tinned tomatoes and herbs and spices. It was a little weird, but good! And we ate more of Alison's Amanda-food. And we got water from a tattooed man at a primary school. But he wasn't creepy, he was lovely!

EDIT: A post on Leah's journal of our own photos here In the photo of our rainwater collection, my kitty is staring out the window at Alison taking the photo. She is ADORABLE. /biased.

OH and I totally got my loan ;) WHOOOHOOOOO MONEY!

And also quotes!:

Michael: "I'm sad you're leaving. You're the last person I interviewed in the closet!"
Lara: "Oh, Michael, I'm not in the closet."
Michael: "...the Campus Operations closet..."
Lara: "I totally know. I just had to say that!"

Poor Michael. I don't think he knew what to do with me ;) But I laughed!

Today was my last day at ACU. Mmm. Lisa left early so I hugged her up in the morning before she had to go. Brad wasn't even there, but we said goodbye yesterday. I had coffee with Marg Burgess, which was awesome. And because she was a bit late (tee hee!) I spent some time with Doreen, Gracie, Cassie and then Michelle afterwards. Just chatting. It was really nice. And then my Lauren came to visit and that was really wonderful. Lauren hasn't worked at ACU since April I think? I've missed her, she rocks my socks.

I cleaned out all my drawers and gave away the foodstuffs I had stockpiled (hypoglycemia, thanks) and other stuff. Packed up the rest. Did a few last minute things, and TOTALLY dragged out the time because I didn't really want to go. Hooray for dawdling. Then I told everyone I was going to leave and in the middle of hugs, my Erin called! Then back to hugs...and it was depressing but sweet. I gave my beloved bamboo plant to Michelle to look after because she's special (and the plant is too!). And then I had to go. And because I was crying it had to be quick.

They applauded me as I left. My former co-workers? Total class.

So it's over. I was fine driving home until about half-way and freaking How to Save a Life came on. Thanks, iPod. I cried, got myself together, got home, saw Lewi, and promptly burst into tears again. I know I'm doing the right thing, and I know I'm going to love it, but it was hard to leave. It really was. And I know some people won't get it, and I know some people will because they've had That Job where they went in every day and despite everything that got thrown at them, they loved the people they worked with, and they enjoyed being there with them. EF&S at ACU is something special and I hope they continue to have a blast with each other. I know I did.

Gracie walked me out and told me I'm a special lady. I told her she is too. And that, as they say, is that.

Went to see Sherlock Holmes again last night because APPARENTLY Melbourne is a city of child movie haters and The Princess and the Frog wasn't playing ANYWHERE I could get to without my car. And brilliant me, I took the train yesterday. Foo. So plans changed, and I'm going this weekend because I.Must.See.It.

So tired. Fell asleep watching Star Trek. Oh how I love...everyone on that show. Except the horrible Dr Pulaski. Stupid season 2. GET OVER WITH SO I CAN HAVE MY REDHEADED DOCTOR BACK! Pulaski can go suck a phaser for SRS.

Now I'm at work and I'm updating business processes and training people which ALWAYS puts me to frickin' sleep (BUT I DO LOVE MY JOB - NO SARCASM). So I'm rocking the caffeine hard and trying to decide what to write but there's so many things to choose from and when I'm overtired and caffinated my mind finds it really hard to make a decision, so instead I sit for HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS TRYING TO DECIDE until I'm too tired and fall asleep.

Stupid...illogical mind. WHY CAN'T I BE A VULCAN?

I love latte.

And Noel Fielding.

- I just tried to sign in as 'Amaris'. Uhm NO. That's not even her USERNAME what is WRONG WITH ME!

- I am now back to sitting in the high desk at work because I'm a freakin' princess! RESPECT!

- I bought a yogurt this morning and I keep forgetting to eat it...

- I finalised being admitted into my course, talking to ANZ about setting up a bank account while still here which YAY and sent off my student loan application.

- I have one hour and thirteen minutes left of work this year omg.

- I have eaten about 8928432 tiny Ferrero Rochers. Holy AWESOME, Batman.

- I got MICHAEL'S POPCORN. It is full of epic awesome. You have no idea.

- I get to go shopping at the DVD store. PLEASE TO BE BUYING MYSELF NO DVDS! HAVE SOME RESTRAINT WOMAN!

- I cannot stop coughing :( BUT I am feeling better in all other ways :D

- YAY.

Today was the all Melbourne campus ACU Christmas party, and it was quite lovely. Lisa came in today which was awesome because she's been off work for several weeks because she put her back out, poor thing. And I've missed her! When she got there, she gave me a big (careful) hug and told me congratulations for getting in to the University of Canterbury and it made me think about a lot of things. Especially since today was the Christmas party and it'll be the last one I go to, and that's...hard.

I love the people I work with. They are exceptional. There are times, as there are in any job, that circumstances drive me crazy, but I feel I'm unbelievably blessed to work with the people I do despite the insanity that occasionally happens around us. I know that if I have a bad day or if I'm upset, there is always someone to hug me if I want to be hugged. There is always someone to talk to, and always someone who will listen. And that's pretty gosh darn precious.

A few months ago, Lisa and I were alone in the office in the morning, as we so often are. I think she had just heard I was applying for the social work degree in Christchurch. And she looked over at me and she said, "you know, Lara, you say you're afraid of a lot of things, but then you go and do things a lot of people couldn't do, and that's pretty impressive" To be honest, I never thought that my 2009 trek across Europe was all that brave. But it was pointed out to me on numerous occasions (once by my mommy!) that most people wouldn't just head off to mostly unfamiliar countries on their own. And they have a point, I suppose. I had never travelled on my own before, to that extent. I booked the hotels and got myself from the airports to the hotels, I booked a train from Edinburgh to London, and I arranged my own sightseeing. Though in London, I had my wonderful tour guides! But still, I did do a lot of it myself and that never seemed extraordinary to me because it's not me I am afraid of. When I'm alone, I know I'm in control, and I'm pretty capable of taking care of myself. It's being around other people that I have trouble with, but Lisa pointed out that I do all these things I didn't even see, because I don't think of them as exceptional. To have it pointed out that you don't always let fear stand in your way when you have a fear of...like...everyone and everything and you feel like it rules you sometimes, that's pretty awesome. And the fact that she cared enough to mention it meant a lot.

And then today I remembered the entire reason I decided to go back to studying in the first place, was because of Lisa. She started a Bachelor of Theology at ACU in 2009, and she asked me for help with her essay because she was nervous. And I remember getting so excited about the idea of helping with an essay, that I knew there was something in it. And despite not helping at all because Lisa proved me right when I said she could not only do it, but do it exceptionally; it made me want to study too. I looked into doing courses at ACU as early as last March. And then came the 2009 trek, New Zealand, and inevitability, and I forgot about that completely in all the arrangements and decision-making.

With all going to plan, I'm going to be leaving this safe, warm, comfortable place in a month and change. And I don't know if it's completely obvious how hard it is. I go to work every day...you know...when I'm not sick, and I laugh. We can sit at a table and poke gummi lollies with pretzels ala Michael, or we can watch Cassie eat an entire bowl of just cream, and Michelle and I can giggle about silly things, and I feel comfortable with them. And that is saying a lot. Just this morning before Gracie headed off to mass, she mentioned that she checked the program and lunch wouldn't be served until 2 which meant that I should probably eat something before I went so I didn't get too hypoglycaemic. That was so utterly sweet. I care about these people. And it's not just that. Not only do they make me realise certain things about myself, they have contributed to changing my life. Even if it is, ironically, the change that will take me away from them.

I went back and read the entry I wrote after I had only worked there a week:

The people I work with are just....awesome. Beyond awesome. It's so FUN. I HAVE FUN AT WORK!! I don't hate getting up early in the morning to be there. I LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

I am utterly sappy and sentimental, and I know it. But these people deserve it. I have been lucky to work in EF&S for two and a half years, and if I could bring them all with me to NZ, I would. Instead, I will be glad for my time there, and I will be grateful for getting to have those people in my life. It often surprises me just how much we are changed by the people we meet and let into our lives. I think the impact here has been obvious, and I am eternally thankful.

This afternoon I got caught in a deluge that formed around me as I walked back to work from the Vietnamese restaurant we celebrated Lewi's birthday, I sampled Japanese Kit-Kats, I met the beautiful and lovely ikona_rakasha and I got to see Lisa again *squeal* and then I got back to work where I was coddled for having rain trousers (soaked from the knees down). All in all? Pretty darn awesome.

You know what's not awesome?! The sign in the hallway that says:

Unfortunately reception will be unattended today. If you have any 'inquiries' please dial x3000 on the 'wall phone'.

I'm sorry. IS THIS A METAPHORICAL WALL PHONE FOR METAPHORICAL ENQUIRIES?! STOP USING ''''''' EVERY BLOODY WHERE YOU DRIVE ME NUTS!

:D

Though the person responsible yesterday asked me if I left my keys in the kitchen and I said "Do they have a dismembered teddy bear on them? If so, they're mine" and he went "....."

It was fantastic. No quoteys needed!

Working here is awesome...

Yesterday Lisa was talking to one of the theology course coordinators. She is a theology student, so they get along really well and have a good relationship. Apparently he was trying to get her to do something and she was refusing.

Lisa: "No. No, it's a school issue. It's your thing and if you want to do it, I think it should come from the school, I'm not going to do that." *pause* "You know, you're a theologian, I don't think you should be saying 'Jesus Christ' like that, it's not very good..."

And I pissed myself laughing. Also, the Assistant Academic Registrar (Student Systems) was down yesterday and he walked past me. He's in charge of computers and well..systems, among other things.

Leo: "Hi, Lara! How are you?"
Me: "Leeooooooo, my computer isn't WORKINGGGGG!"
Leo: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Me: "IT CROWD!" *raises arms in triumph*
Leo: "YEAH! *matches me*
Everyone else: O_O....?

We bonded. BTW? Turning it off and on again? Worked. :|

There's a man at the cafe downstairs who has a rather unique accent. He's incredibly cheerful and always friendly, but most of the time I can't understand him and that makes me really nervous. Social situations, you know... He's from an Eastern European country...you know, previously part of the USSR but not Russia. I do not know which part and if he told me I think I would have a hard time understanding what he meant, which makes me feel bad because he's so lovely!

Anyway, apparently last week Joanne asked for a coke and he asked, in his loud and jolly voice, "DO YOU WANT A BIG COCK OR A SMALL COCK?!" because apparently in his accent Coke=cock. Now I wasn't there last week, and I had never experienced this because I drink Pepsi.

Until today.

Me: "I'd like a Pepsi Max, please."

He wandered away to search the fridge and he came back. "No Pepsi. 'sall gone! You want a cock!? 'snice cock! You know you want a cock!"

Me: ".... nothanks"

Turns out there was Pepsi Max anyway, he was just looking in the wrong fridge. Still, the entire cafe heard this and died laughing. Me? I just died.

EDIT: And a student just sent in an email that said

"Dear Lisa,

sorry for my stupid."

AWESOME.