It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Last night I had a dream my grandpa died. Followed by my lovely Auntie Ann being diagnosed with some horrible thing blah.

Less than an hour ago my sister called and said my grandpa had died. I knew it had to be bad when my sister was on the phone. (♥) He had a stroke in his sleep and died without really waking up which is good. I haven't seen him since I was about 15 though I talked to him a little in 2010 right before I moved here. He was a lovely and funny guy when I was younger but I have basically already grieved for losing him from my life. So this feels weird. I mean this is the man who survived a tree falling on him.

I called my grandmother. I saw her much more recently during a visit to my sister's house and again talked to her in 2010. She sounded not great, and understandably so since she was with him for over 60 years. It was actually a good talk, despite me fearing it would be really awkward. She sounded a little better by the end of it, though how long that lasts, who knows. I feel...numbysad. That's a thing. But I'm going to send my grandma a letter and some pictures. I hope it cheers her up. She said she always wanted to see New Zealand so I'll get some pictures printed of the places around here too.

If it turns out my aunt is really sick, I will be so pissed off. I am pretty sure my subconscious made up the disease though, so we might be fine.

I just had a dream that I was watching a zombie movie in my childhood home which doesn't even belong to us any more. But in the dream it did. And the movie was SET in my childhood home. The movie-makers had scouted the location and filmed part of it there, lalala.

So in the movie apparently zombies couldn't eat people in the country unless they had permission or they were in a special field. I DON'T KNOW! So they broke into my garage while the main character was getting wood for the fireplace over on my side of the house. The zombies couldn't eat the main character so they ATE MY CAT! Well, Binky was actually my sister's cat and our family had him from when I was about 7 until I was 24ish when he died of old age. He was in the garage and the zombies ate him. And I'm watching this movie IN THAT HOUSE so I had to run down the stairs and make sure he was okay. Apparently the filmmakers wanted to incorporate Binky into the movie. WHO KNOWS WHY. Binky was a one-eyed, crooked-jawed awesomekitty who had been hit by a car and was still badass. So I suppose having him killed by zombies in a movie IS pretty fitting for his awesomeness. And then I was all blogging, "that awkward moment when watching a zombie movie set in your house and zombies eat your cat". Yeah. Because that happens all the time.

Naomi Watts was also in the movie. And then the main guy was all cutting her head off and then someone knocked on my door and I woke up because my carpet arrived. It matches my drapes.

*sniggles*

Just had a dream a tsunami happened in CHCH. I was in some...ocean-front school or something. I don't even know except my old boss Michael was there and he seemed to be in charge. I made mention of a wave that had been so big it had crashed into the building and reached our second floor windows. And then someone yelled "everyone look! In the direction of Hokitika!" And this massive wave was headed our way from behind, set to go right over us.

I yelled at Alison who suddenly appeared at this school (I have no idea what I was doing there...) to go higher so we raced up these stairs to the attic and held on while the wave crashed over us. Because apparently the building was made of adimantium or something as it was still standing while a bunch of other buildings were not. Then Jen, who appeared as well, decided to GET A BOAT that they had to PUT TOGETHER (it so would have leaked) that she and Alison were going to row to Hokitika to check on their family. The tsunami was still going, but they wouldn't listen when I was like "uhm. So I don't think that's the most brilliant idea you've ever had."

Then I went back down to the second floor where people were gathered, waiting for subsequent waves. People were calling loved ones, so why Jen and Ali didn't just use the phone is beyond me. Then Alina and I went outside as a wave crashed beside us. Because apparently we had to have silly ideas too. And we were like, "well, this sucks."

And then I woke up. Don't know what that was about, but I'm suitably disturbed!

PS I just tried to spell-check adimantium. Then I remembered it wouldn't be a real word, considering it's not a real mental. Wow, me. It wanted to change it to Byzantium. THE BUILDING MUST HAVE BEEN MADE FROM BYZANTIUM BECAUSE IT STAYED UP!

Slept for like 14 hours and much of that time I was having dreams of panic attacks. They felt so real I have no idea if they were real panic attacks and I just didn't wake up instead weaving them into dreams, or if they were completely dreamed ones. And when I wasn't panicking, I was dreaming about tornadoes and trying to get all my stuff and cats into a tornado shelter randomly filled with children I couldn't control. HMM, WHO IS FEELING A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL LATELY!? Thanks, subconscious, but I am already aware of that. You don't have to send me dream messages to tell me. I always get this way before I fly internationally because there's so much to arrange. HHHRRGGNNNHHH.

Dentist appointment today! Nearly vomited from stress in the waiting room because I hate being judged and I had to write down on the form that I haven't been to a dentist in years. Turned out to be just fine. I said going in that I am a student and can't afford how expensive the dentist is and other than a little Look, the guy was lovely and not-judgey. Though to keep myself calm before I went in, I was quoting Ed Byrne on dentists in my head. "How much of a shit do THEY give about teeth!?" Oh, Ed. I love thee.

Then I walked into town so I could see Cashel Street mall. I was on Cashel Street (though the other end of it) when the Feb quake happened and going back there nearly sent me panicking, but I decided to go anyway. The place was basically levelled in February but they have sent up shops in shipping containers and it was...basically awesome. I have photos which I'll post later. The only thing about it that I didn't like was when I was walking down Colombo Street and I coughed, the city was so empty that my cough echoed and that was just UNCOOL. But Cashel Street totally made up for it. This city...just...<3

Now I am too tired to do anything else I planned today. Stupid fatigue. So I will watch How I Met Your Mother until I have to make dinner and then fall into bed again. But I did dentistry and shopping and I ate Thai food which was all kinds of awesome. So I'm calling today a win, even if there WAS a largeish aftershock when I was on the third floor of a building in the city.

So last night I had a slasher dream. Considering how much I love slasher movies, one might think I embraced the chance to have a new one all up in my head that I didn't even need to pay admission for. Not necessarily so. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how much arse I kicked by thinking on my feet.

It started off that I was crawling through a tunnel (lol no) while exploring NYC with Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter. Why? Don't ask me) and the killer got into the other end of the tunnel and crawled towards us so we had to crawl super fast to get away. Most of the rest of the dream took place in an office building we were partying in because why not party after being chased by a masked killer, amirite? And then he tracked us down OH NOES. It was basically me trying to avoid the cliche masked baddie by doing awesome things and then watching lots of people die because I wasn't awesome enough to save everyone, alas. But I actually scoured the building we were all trapped in (it was a Halloween party and we were all in costumes) for things to help me survive like a video game heroine, bitches. I found a knife and a gun and apparently a holster to carry them in (yeah, I don't know...) and like ninja throwing stars I totally used, and well.

Then I was in the elevator with some other scared people and the thing stalled. The door opened between floors and the killer was on the bottom floor with a chainsaw he somehow scrounged up in this office building we were partying in. He jammed the thing into the opening and chainsawed away while the others screamed. I risked my flesh to jam the stop button so it wouldn't inch down any further towards the waiting killer and then I got us all out the top of the elevator and up to the floor above. Why the killer didn't just run up the stairs and head us off, I don't know. But hush, I'm being a heroine here.

Then we were on the first floor (NOT the ground floor, Yanks. One floor above ground) and I found a window near a tree. I tried it and it was unlocked so I ushered the people I was with out the window and then shimmied down the tree myself so I could call the cops on ze killer. They arrived and then I realised it MUST be a TRAP because the window wouldn't be left open on accident. I don't even know how this killer was going to somehow take out like dozens of police officers but if Michael Meyers taught us anything in Halloween 2, it's that no matter how many people he was up against, he still just slashed right through them and kept on going. So I made the police go into the party, via the window, dressed in Halloween costumes and roughed up a little bit so they would look like partygoers and take the killer by surprise. Again, not sure how that was supposed to work, but HUSH BECAUSE I SAVED THE DAY.

They police took him out and then all the survivors who had been at the party signed up for the police force except me. I became an informant. And the moral of the story (besides how awesome I totally am) is that all you need to do to join the police force is be totally ineffective against a masked killer and yet be lucky enough to survive anyway.

In reality I am much less ninja-throwing-star wielding and more annoyed that my arse hurts. Because of my exercise bike, people. Sheesh.

The past few days have been eventful. First, I got Echo a collar and decided she could go outside, since she doesn't just hide under the porch and refuse to come out like certain tortoiseshell cats I know. Her first day outside and she gets stung in the throat by a bee. It swells up to gigantic proportions and I have to take her to an afterhours vet which costs a heck of a lot of money. So guess who gets to stay inside for a little while now. :| Not happy.

The other night I woke myself up screaming! I had been having ghost nightmares all night, but the one I woke up from and finally decided to just stay up involved a room in the basement of my childhood home. But the room was Evil. And we were hanging around outside it, who knows why. One of the cats wandered in and Leah decided she didn't like him in there and she was going to get him out. I watched from the door frame and this random doll was running around to be freaky. Dolls terrify me. And she handed the cat to me but she didn't follow. I went back for her, calling her name. I found her in the corner, staring dead-eyed up at a ghost who had taken her form but twisted and terrifying. And the Leah-ghost turned towards me and rushed me. When Leah-ghost was a centimetre from my face, that's when I woke up screaming. Not.Awesome. Unless it was in a movie. Then really awesome.

Went to the doctor to renew my prescription and complain that I am still tired. I explained that I had even slept about 10 hours last night and woke up feeling like I do when I travel and don't sleep for two days. So tomorrow I have to have MORE tests done. Joy of joys. She said now it's probably just post-virus fatigue, but she wants to rule everything out.

Me? I just want to sleep for like...days. Humph.

But I did get a 1949 edition of Chaucer's Poetical Works in stunning condition from the Uni bookstore's used books shelf for incredibly cheap. It's so beautiful, I want to marry it.

I got the second part of my loan finally. Six class weeks before the end of the year, but at least that means all the work I have done this year wasn't for nothing!

We have been watching Star Trek: The Original Series and it is awesome. Even if the 60s-era misogyny is rampant. I love Bones, Spock and Kirk. They are so in a three-way relationship.

Mexican food and The Trip last night was awesome too! I love Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan! They are brilliant together. And now I want to watch A Cock and Bull Story again sometime! Their banter is the best thing about it. Their banter and Dylan Moran hanging with Gillian Anderson.

Since I had slept basically the entire weekend, I was up yesterday for 24 hours. So the last 45 minutes or so of the movie was hard to stay awake for, but I'm so glad I didn't fall asleep. And not just because no one needs to hear my great honking snores. I would have been so sad to miss it.

Sometime this week I need to start my law essay and make an appointment to get my prescription renewed. But things are looking up, even if I am still really tired. And soon there will be curry! :D And then I will eat more of my giant dinosaur-lolly from Laura!

..last night I had a dream Neil Gaiman was my dad. It was awesome. Even if, for ONCE, I wish I could not have a lucid dream. Strangely, being aware that your dreams aren't real even as you dream them is kind of tiring.

I feel like crap. Sore throat, slept-all-day crap. Blah. Blah blah whine.

Anyway, the other day Leah and I watched Eastern Promises and it was awesome. Afterwards we were commenting on how much David Cronenberg, the director, loves Viggo. He casts him in everything, including the upcoming movie where he plays Freud and Michael Fassbender plays Jung. And totally smacks Keira Knightley's arse, but anyway-

I had a dream where Leah was showing me a movie with Viggo and Fassbender. She was like, "it's great, you like prison movies" (I assume based on the fact that I like Shawshank Redemption more than I like most people) and this movie was indeed set in a prison. Fassbender was a guard and we were watching it and I was like "Leah, I don't see me no Viggo" and she was like "he's coming up!" I assume, of course, that he was a prisoner. Leah had assured me that it was a romance and Viggo and Fassbender were together in it and it was sad and everything so of course, prisoner/prison guard, right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. Viggo was a dinosaur. And sure enough he came lumbering on all roary and terrible and he and Fassbender fell in love and I was like "Leah, this movie is bull." But we decided at Subway when I told her about it, that it would actually be wonderful. Then we spent the rest of the day planning it out.

My dreams are amazing.

I had a dream that I had this great idea and I was going to write a book with pages marked A, B, C, D or E. All the A pages were a novella for one character, and all the B pages a novella for another character and so on. Since novellas are novels with one main idea and novels have several main ideas coming together, the book could be read for any of the five novellas or as a whole. There were unmarked pages too, meant only to be read if the book was read all together, as the blank pages tied all the separate novellas together.

It sounds like an awesome idea but yeah, I'm not that clever.

I did, however, get to the bank today. This pleases me greatly. And I bought two more pairs of fingerless gloves because apparently I need enough to make a giant pile I can dive into. And I had dumplings at Riccarton.

I did worry that while I was eating, the shopping centre would fall in on me. But it did not. Which was kind of it.

One day I will be able to dye my hair again. I don't want to while we are still having water shortages, since my hair is so thick it takes about 45 minutes to wash out. But I miss my roots being red!

Had a wonderful time the other day with Kate and Tina, despite the random rain and Westfield Riccarton being evacuated. I still have no idea what that was about... But yes, YAY lovely! We went to The Cup and had lunch and Tina and I talked about American Things, you see. :D

After having a wonderful day, I was all hyper and lalalala! and then I tried to sleep early because I had to get up at 7:30 for a conference call. I was smart and stuff. I went at like 9:30 because I actually felt tired. But no. I stayed awake all night. And thought about things I had to do. And when I ran out of real life things, I thought about role play things. I fell asleep for about fifteen minutes and dreamed a conversation with Simon I only remembered wasn't real in the middle of the next day when I realised it was about John and Patrick opening a donut bar... (Chelsea suggests they call it HOLY DONUTS and I think she is the most adorable thing ever)

But mostly I was awake. And THEN I couldn't figure out the STUPID number to the conference thing, so I was 20 minutes late to the conference call. And then I was tired all day yesterday because of no sleep. So I kept almost crying for no reason. Finally put myself to bed around 10, hoping to sleep for about 12 hours and then get started (well more started, I did some when I was sleepy) on this work thing for my Mom.

Then I was awakened by a 5.1 earthquake (as I wrote this, the tiniest aftershock just happened!) and they have been happening all day and ARGH!

But I am warm, despite the cool day outside. I am safe, there was no damage to the house, my housemates are okay, and I have my kitty. And so much else. Despite the little rant, I reckon I'm doing far more than just okay.