It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I just had a dream that I was watching a zombie movie in my childhood home which doesn't even belong to us any more. But in the dream it did. And the movie was SET in my childhood home. The movie-makers had scouted the location and filmed part of it there, lalala.

So in the movie apparently zombies couldn't eat people in the country unless they had permission or they were in a special field. I DON'T KNOW! So they broke into my garage while the main character was getting wood for the fireplace over on my side of the house. The zombies couldn't eat the main character so they ATE MY CAT! Well, Binky was actually my sister's cat and our family had him from when I was about 7 until I was 24ish when he died of old age. He was in the garage and the zombies ate him. And I'm watching this movie IN THAT HOUSE so I had to run down the stairs and make sure he was okay. Apparently the filmmakers wanted to incorporate Binky into the movie. WHO KNOWS WHY. Binky was a one-eyed, crooked-jawed awesomekitty who had been hit by a car and was still badass. So I suppose having him killed by zombies in a movie IS pretty fitting for his awesomeness. And then I was all blogging, "that awkward moment when watching a zombie movie set in your house and zombies eat your cat". Yeah. Because that happens all the time.

Naomi Watts was also in the movie. And then the main guy was all cutting her head off and then someone knocked on my door and I woke up because my carpet arrived. It matches my drapes.

*sniggles*

Because it's easier to copy and paste than to write it out... My mother has amazing skills of keeping things for too long. Really.

Lara: I just found a cake mix in the cupboard from 1988. Which means this cake mix moved with us from Seattle to Kalispell and then Kalispell to here. This cake mix has been in my cupboards since I was 7. I don't even know.

Simon: LOL

Lara: If I asked her, she would probably said, "I might need it sometime." "WHY WOULD YOU NEED A LEMON CAKE FROM 1988!?" Zombie Apocalypse.

Simon: You could probably kill a zombie with a 23 year old lemon cake.

Lara: I think so!

Simon: cure for the zombie virus right there.

Lara: As long as you followed the high-altitude baking instructions if you lived here. Otherwise they would be like "this bullshit didn't even rise" *NOMS YOUR FACE*

Simon: LOL well yes

So last night I had a slasher dream. Considering how much I love slasher movies, one might think I embraced the chance to have a new one all up in my head that I didn't even need to pay admission for. Not necessarily so. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how much arse I kicked by thinking on my feet.

It started off that I was crawling through a tunnel (lol no) while exploring NYC with Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter. Why? Don't ask me) and the killer got into the other end of the tunnel and crawled towards us so we had to crawl super fast to get away. Most of the rest of the dream took place in an office building we were partying in because why not party after being chased by a masked killer, amirite? And then he tracked us down OH NOES. It was basically me trying to avoid the cliche masked baddie by doing awesome things and then watching lots of people die because I wasn't awesome enough to save everyone, alas. But I actually scoured the building we were all trapped in (it was a Halloween party and we were all in costumes) for things to help me survive like a video game heroine, bitches. I found a knife and a gun and apparently a holster to carry them in (yeah, I don't know...) and like ninja throwing stars I totally used, and well.

Then I was in the elevator with some other scared people and the thing stalled. The door opened between floors and the killer was on the bottom floor with a chainsaw he somehow scrounged up in this office building we were partying in. He jammed the thing into the opening and chainsawed away while the others screamed. I risked my flesh to jam the stop button so it wouldn't inch down any further towards the waiting killer and then I got us all out the top of the elevator and up to the floor above. Why the killer didn't just run up the stairs and head us off, I don't know. But hush, I'm being a heroine here.

Then we were on the first floor (NOT the ground floor, Yanks. One floor above ground) and I found a window near a tree. I tried it and it was unlocked so I ushered the people I was with out the window and then shimmied down the tree myself so I could call the cops on ze killer. They arrived and then I realised it MUST be a TRAP because the window wouldn't be left open on accident. I don't even know how this killer was going to somehow take out like dozens of police officers but if Michael Meyers taught us anything in Halloween 2, it's that no matter how many people he was up against, he still just slashed right through them and kept on going. So I made the police go into the party, via the window, dressed in Halloween costumes and roughed up a little bit so they would look like partygoers and take the killer by surprise. Again, not sure how that was supposed to work, but HUSH BECAUSE I SAVED THE DAY.

They police took him out and then all the survivors who had been at the party signed up for the police force except me. I became an informant. And the moral of the story (besides how awesome I totally am) is that all you need to do to join the police force is be totally ineffective against a masked killer and yet be lucky enough to survive anyway.

In reality I am much less ninja-throwing-star wielding and more annoyed that my arse hurts. Because of my exercise bike, people. Sheesh.

In case anyone was wondering? this is why I love Wil Wheaton so hardcore.

There is a tree near my house, that has probably been there for years, just doing its tree thing, watching patiently as families come and go, empires rise and fall, and Isengard is flooded. I'm sure it's a beautiful tree, cheerfully trading carbon dioxide for oxygen, providing shade, and most likely supporting several birds and squirrels. It's a lovely tree, I'm sure ... but I hate that motherfucker because I am super allergic to whatever pollen or voodoo or evil waves of itching sneezing bullshit it emits. I've seen doctors and witch doctors and oracles and psychics* about it, and all anyone's been able to do for me is suggest I take an antihistimine (Oh? Really? Thanks, medical professionals! I never would have thought of that on my own!) and ... well, that's just about all I can do, so just pay the receptionist on your way out, Wil.

His written word and my inner monologue? They match. All I could think reading that is that it sounds exactly like something I would say. And I couldn't stop laughing.

Because I think I am the funniest person on the planet. It's really true.

I slept from 7 pm until 4 am and now it is 8 am and I can't sleep any more :| Stupid WEIRD BODY SLEEP CLOCK VIRUS THING! But I wrote a bunch. Made me happy :D

Alison was supposed to go to bed but she just came out here to get a drink and there is no way that we could possibly ever explain the conversation that just occurred between us, but it was epic hilarity though it was the kind where you had to be there and now my stomach hurts from laughing. It was pure ridiculousness and we both laughed so hard, and I feel like I might vomit.

And then I thought, "you know what? I think I feel like this at least once a day." I think living in a house where you laugh so hard you think you might vomit at least once a day is pretty damn awesome, no matter what else is going on in my messed up little world.

Long live the LFoD and all it's denizens, past and present!

EDIT: For more examples of why the LFoD is the greatest place on Earth, I present Alison's Overheard in the LFoD tag in her journal which is chock full of hilarity and quotes.

My head hurts from laughing.

"That's okay, I am the coolest person in the apocalypse, you know!"

It's nice to know that even in other people's dreams, I am still me. Even in Alison's epic zombie apocalypse dream I managed to get out of the breeding program because I was a scientist with massive brains. I love that a little too much.

Hey, I saved Neil Gaiman in the dream. Respect!

Today I had a test I did not appreciate, though I did fine. And I gave my presentation which had a Tim Minchin song at the beginning and that was awesome. Now I need to finish my essay for tomorrow. Aughaughaugh this term is trying to kill me.

OH YES! I forgot a conversation from one of the ladies I work with which occurred during a lull at the registration desk. Jay from Graduations nearly died when we heard.

Her: OH! Hey! What does DNA stand for?!
Me: Deoxyribonucleic acid.
Her: *blink blink* Uhm... It's a joke! It's National Dyslexic Association. You're supposed to say you don't know!
Me: Oh! I didn't know it was a joke!!
Her: That's the first time anyone has actually answered me!! I can't believe you knew that!
Me: *shrugs*

Ah, science. You are a wonderful thing. You make me miss the entire point of conversations sometimes. Thanks.