It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Went to doctor. Came home. Slept 8 hours. Woke up for about five. Slept fourteen hours. Was awake for maybe six. Slept sixteen hours. Still tired. Hrrggghhh. I want to DO THINGS, BODY! Sleeping is boring, my giddy aunt. I want to finish rearranging my room and I want to write things and ...do stuff! But no. Sleep. Sleep is all I do.

Pttthhhlllttthh.

I have a virus. YAY, A VIRUS OF MY VERY OWN! :| My doctor (whom I love) said it is most likely gladular fever, but she ordered a test just to make sure it wasn't anything else. She said it could also be a virus that pretty much causes the same thing, so basically I'm screwed either way. I don't care about the definition if the results are the same, but she's doing her doctory thing.

Does it make me weird that I love blood tests? I love them. The nurse asked me how I felt about needles and I assured her I have no problem with them. Then I informed her she wouldn't be able to find a vein in my arm, as I ALWAYS have to do and no one ever takes my word for it. I have always had blood drawn from, and had IVs in my hands. No one has ever found a viable vein in my arm, yet everyone tries (one lady dug around in there for fifteen minutes because she refused to be beat, but she eventually gave up) because apparently it hurts more in the hands? I wouldn't know. I have nothing to compare it to! And frankly a cat scratch hurts more than needles, in my humble opinion.

Anyway she found a vein in my hand and the blood started to go into the tube and I went "OOoooooh!" and she thought it was a sound of distress but I was like "No, I think it's awesome!" because I really do. I like watching it. I might be a freak, but I find it fascinating. So yeah. The highlight of my day was a blood test.

My week is going so awesome, you guys. So awesome that my cat used my head to prop her leg up to lick her arse a while ago. But I have doughnuts, so that's something! Now I'm gonna sleep because omfg.

Still sleeping ALL THE TIME. And it is SO BORING. I want to do something else, but I always exhaust myself when I try. I did about four comments in FS and I had to take a three hour nap. I have never been this ridiculously tired in my life. And I am complaining about it here in an attempt to not fall asleep AGAIN. I want to stay awake so I can, oh I don't know, spend more than 5 hours today awake instead of asleep. Because so far, five hours is all I have had.

Tomorrow I finally get to go to the doctor's and get answers. Hopefully I will not fall asleep on the bus and end up on a round trip circle around the city. Actually the roads should keep me awake :| Then I am going shopping because darnit, I want things. Like cheese toastie things, not...shoes or whatnot. And then I will probably sleep for two days because of all the energy I used being out for like two hours of my life.

Waahhhmbulance!

The good part is I have books on the way, and I have Market Spice tea in the meantime. And kitties who snuggle. Even if sometimes Echo puts her nose in my mouth when attempting to snuggle my cheek. It's kind of gross.

Also she crapped in my corner today. Then Helios tried to help cover it up, but since it was on the carpet, all he did was spread it all over my wall. They're so helpful sometimes.

My throat hurts and my head hurts and I can't seem to spend more than 5 or 6 consecutive hours awake at a time. And that's if I'm lucky. I spend those hours wanting to be asleep or half-asleep (and all nauseated) while the telly is on in the background. My doctor isn't in until Thursday. I am hoping it's just a cold that's taken me down with it, and not glandular fever (mono for you yanks) but the other day I had fever chills. And all the coughing is coming from my throat, not my lungs.

Hhhrrunnngggg.

I did go to the store today, but I had to lean on the shopping trolley and I don't quite remember the walk there. I was dizzy the entire time and wanted to stop and lie down on several occasions. Probably not very smart, but I am so sick of my stupid (so comfy) bed and I needed cat food. And a jelly mold. Don't ask...

I tried to read yesterday, just one of my ghost books. Each story is like 500 words long. I would reach the end and have no idea what I just read. This...is...awful. But OH I found a book called Queer Hauntings on the Book Depository website. And both Leah and Alison said (separately) "It's like all your favourite things! Gay people and ghosts!" It's funny 'cause it's true.

Please cross your fingers for me and hope I'm just being a pathetic, whiny loser? I would rather that than actually being quite ill.

And this is all the coherence I can handle today. And it took me far longer than it should have because I kept drifting off and almost falling asleep.

I feel like crap. Sore throat, slept-all-day crap. Blah. Blah blah whine.

Anyway, the other day Leah and I watched Eastern Promises and it was awesome. Afterwards we were commenting on how much David Cronenberg, the director, loves Viggo. He casts him in everything, including the upcoming movie where he plays Freud and Michael Fassbender plays Jung. And totally smacks Keira Knightley's arse, but anyway-

I had a dream where Leah was showing me a movie with Viggo and Fassbender. She was like, "it's great, you like prison movies" (I assume based on the fact that I like Shawshank Redemption more than I like most people) and this movie was indeed set in a prison. Fassbender was a guard and we were watching it and I was like "Leah, I don't see me no Viggo" and she was like "he's coming up!" I assume, of course, that he was a prisoner. Leah had assured me that it was a romance and Viggo and Fassbender were together in it and it was sad and everything so of course, prisoner/prison guard, right? RIGHT?!

Wrong. Viggo was a dinosaur. And sure enough he came lumbering on all roary and terrible and he and Fassbender fell in love and I was like "Leah, this movie is bull." But we decided at Subway when I told her about it, that it would actually be wonderful. Then we spent the rest of the day planning it out.

My dreams are amazing.

Didn't make three meals today, but I made two! And cake. A HUGE PIECE OF CAKE. Awww yeah! Gosh cake is an amazing invention. Caaaaaake. Cake.

Alison is coming home tomorrow. I am making chili because it has been again demanded. So I will leave the house to get rolls and wine in the afternoon tomorrow. Because I believe all are needed. And then this weekend I get to try out a new cupcake recipe. It is here. I am excite!

Also I finally put in for my refund from my student loans. Because it finally got approved and finally got here. So I should get my money in the next few days. It's nearly June. But you know. WHATEVER. :| At least it's nearly here. I shouldn't complain any more, but what a freaking ordeal. This means I can spend the money I just got from working on DVDs on the interwebs. MWUAHA!

My sleep schedule is so stupidly messed up. But I have cute kitties! And I am watching Danny Bhoy and reading about Celtic mythology. <3

My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!

I feel weird today. Just off. Things have been better, anxiety-wise, the past few days. And now I feel off again. The silver lining is that I don't feel full-on panicky. Though that is why it took me a little while to realise it was anxiety and not being actually sick!

I don't think it's fair that I am having major allergy issues/a cold while I am trying to fix my anxiety issues but oh well.

( Cut for anxiety issue chat. Could be triggering for fellow phobic-anxiety sufferers )

My pulled chest muscle doesn't hurt as much anymore and I can breathe now (yay) but now it itches like mad!

Loan still up in the air. It's almost half-way through April. This doesn't make me happy, this makes me want to stab things.