It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I just took this IQ test for funsies (I was watching QI and they were talking about IQ) and it says I'm ~gifted~. So that's a nice little boon to have at 9 in the morning.

Also I woke up at 8 and couldn't get back to sleep. And all I could think was "OH YAY I'M NORMAL AGAIN" because I never used to be able to sleep and since May I haven't been able to stay awake and even when I am I'm exhausted. I feel fine now. I so hope this isn't still just the magic effects of the Vitamin D which will taper off. I don't want to turn back into a zombie again. I can think now and it's awesome. You never realise how bad something actually is until you don't feel it any more and you can compare.

CURE ME, FALSE SUNSHINE IN MY VEINS!

The LFoD is so clean. The kitchen, you should see it. CLEAN. Laura came over to keep me company yesterday too and we had curry and pie and watched Ghost Hunters International. I love that show, hush.

Once I finish the episode of QI I paused in order to take validating online IQ tests, I shall write more and more and more! Taking all the opportunity I can to do so, in case this bout of normalcy goes away!

Helios just ran across my face. Boys, pfft.

EDIT: Helios is actually chewing on my knee through the duvet. Then Echo pounced him and he got all pissy because she interrupted his...chewing. I have no idea what he is even doing. But it made me giggle.

Probably that will stop if he rips my duvet cover!

The past few days have been eventful. First, I got Echo a collar and decided she could go outside, since she doesn't just hide under the porch and refuse to come out like certain tortoiseshell cats I know. Her first day outside and she gets stung in the throat by a bee. It swells up to gigantic proportions and I have to take her to an afterhours vet which costs a heck of a lot of money. So guess who gets to stay inside for a little while now. :| Not happy.

The other night I woke myself up screaming! I had been having ghost nightmares all night, but the one I woke up from and finally decided to just stay up involved a room in the basement of my childhood home. But the room was Evil. And we were hanging around outside it, who knows why. One of the cats wandered in and Leah decided she didn't like him in there and she was going to get him out. I watched from the door frame and this random doll was running around to be freaky. Dolls terrify me. And she handed the cat to me but she didn't follow. I went back for her, calling her name. I found her in the corner, staring dead-eyed up at a ghost who had taken her form but twisted and terrifying. And the Leah-ghost turned towards me and rushed me. When Leah-ghost was a centimetre from my face, that's when I woke up screaming. Not.Awesome. Unless it was in a movie. Then really awesome.

Went to the doctor to renew my prescription and complain that I am still tired. I explained that I had even slept about 10 hours last night and woke up feeling like I do when I travel and don't sleep for two days. So tomorrow I have to have MORE tests done. Joy of joys. She said now it's probably just post-virus fatigue, but she wants to rule everything out.

Me? I just want to sleep for like...days. Humph.

But I did get a 1949 edition of Chaucer's Poetical Works in stunning condition from the Uni bookstore's used books shelf for incredibly cheap. It's so beautiful, I want to marry it.

Recent history being what is has been, I feel like none of my entries lately have shown my trademark silliness. This is for obvious reasons, being that it's hard to be silly when there are still soldiers barring you from entering your city, you keep having panic attacks, and you spend most of your time sleeping. But I do miss writing ridiculous things that probably only I giggle about.

So getting this out of the way, I went to sleep last night at 8 and woke up at 8 in the morning. I struggled to stay awake until about 11 when I finally gave in. I decided it would be best to have a whizz before I crawled back into bed, and I was so tired that the energy it took to go into the bathroom made me cry. So then I slept until 8 tonight. And I am still tired (my head feels too heavy to hold up) but I haven't cried yet, so that's...kind of like progress! And I have tuna melts. So it's progress with melted cheese.

Speaking of tuna melts, my housemates are trying to kill me in really subtle and underhanded ways.

Leah did all the dishes (bless her). I usually do them, but since I have been sleeping...the effect there is obvious. I think in revenge she removed the wombat-shaped oven mitt from the kitchen. This may seem like it is of no consequence, but it is of huge consequence when you have tuna melts in the oven getting blacker and blacker and you can't find the damn wombat-glove. And my sleep-addled brain didn't think to just get a dishtowel and hope it was thick enough to save me from the burning sensations. No. I ran around in circles until I remembered we had other less awesome and less chompy oven mitts. They were nowhere to be seen either. I opened the drawer where the clean things live, usually known as the drawer where nothing is. And lo and behold, non-chompy oven mitts.

So ha HAH, Leah. Your crafty plan to burn me to death has FAILED! And my tuna melts are only a little overdone, so you haven't even ruined my dinner. Muahhahahaa!

I have been reading Japanese Ghost Stories, a book I got from www.bookdepository.co.uk (FREE WORLDWIDE SHIPPING!) and have been dismayed to find that it contains very few actual ghost stories. Most of the book is about psychic phenomena, which is interesting enough in and of itself, but should be found in a book called Japanese Psychic Phenomena so it doesn't mislead unsavvy collectors of ghost books like me into buying it. And I would be more interested to read about the phenomena if the book were written by someone with an unbiased eye. Like, say, not someone who considers themselves to be a freaking shaman. There's nothing wrong with saying "hey, I'm a shaman. I will heal your ass and write books about that girl from the ring and her photographs". Call yourself whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone (I'm a pretty airplane! Board me!). But he doesn't exactly look at both sides of the issue. So all 'facts' presented could really be bullshit, or hopes, or wishes, or ~dreams~. By the same token, I always enjoy ghost books written by randoms more than the ones written by the people with ghost tour companies, because you can never tell if those ones are making shit up to get you to go on their tours.

I wanted to read about onryo and Oiwa-san, not faith healing. There IS a chapter about modern hauntings but one chapter out of many is disappointing. Next I shall move on to my Queer Hauntings book. I am excited. And since it wasn't written by a guy claiming to be a gay ghost, I think I will enjoy it much more than this one.

My throat hurts and my head hurts and I can't seem to spend more than 5 or 6 consecutive hours awake at a time. And that's if I'm lucky. I spend those hours wanting to be asleep or half-asleep (and all nauseated) while the telly is on in the background. My doctor isn't in until Thursday. I am hoping it's just a cold that's taken me down with it, and not glandular fever (mono for you yanks) but the other day I had fever chills. And all the coughing is coming from my throat, not my lungs.

Hhhrrunnngggg.

I did go to the store today, but I had to lean on the shopping trolley and I don't quite remember the walk there. I was dizzy the entire time and wanted to stop and lie down on several occasions. Probably not very smart, but I am so sick of my stupid (so comfy) bed and I needed cat food. And a jelly mold. Don't ask...

I tried to read yesterday, just one of my ghost books. Each story is like 500 words long. I would reach the end and have no idea what I just read. This...is...awful. But OH I found a book called Queer Hauntings on the Book Depository website. And both Leah and Alison said (separately) "It's like all your favourite things! Gay people and ghosts!" It's funny 'cause it's true.

Please cross your fingers for me and hope I'm just being a pathetic, whiny loser? I would rather that than actually being quite ill.

And this is all the coherence I can handle today. And it took me far longer than it should have because I kept drifting off and almost falling asleep.

Can't sleep, tralala this is my life now. And the INTERNET KEEPS GOING OUT! Okay. Internet? You are here to keep me sane. And I am trying to finish work for my mother. STOP.IT.

But whatever, I watched an episode of Ghost Hunters I downloaded last month and promptly forgot about. And after years of being obsessed with Most Haunted even though I find the show utterly ridiculous, I was pleasantly surprised. None of these guys run around screaming like gits. At least...not in this episode, but they were in Alcatraz and if that doesn't make them scream, a house probably wouldn't. And while the Most Haunted crew acting like idiots is half the appeal (the other half being the pretty locations and the history and, when he is present, my gay medium teddy bear boyfriend, David Wells) I actually enjoyed seeing people do more serious investigations. I mean, it's still clearly amped up for the camera, but I liked the laid back way they approached things.

So then I ordered a DVD of it off of Amazon the second the internet worked again (it stopped again between then and now because it HATES ME) because I have no willpower.

Helios seems to think the best place to cuddle is my eyeballs. And the more I remove him the more cuddly he gets. But GOD he is ridiculously cute. I just like my eyeballs cat fur free. It burns us, Precious.

NOW let's see how long the internet stays on this time!

And I want another cat too, shhhh

For most of today I was reading over one of my characters I am bringing from Darker London over to Strays. He is a philosophy student, and my outlet for philosophical nerding. Therefore, that is where I put all my jokes I think are hilarious but everyone else kind of looks at me funny. Yeah. I was reading old entries and threads with him and laughing about how awesome I am ;) Postmodernism jokes FTW.

Quinn chuckled. "You sound half toasted already, might as well surrender to the fumes, eh?! Oh my god, Eamon, I just realised what to go as to the philosophy department's Halloween party!"

"A fume?" Eamon asked, his eyebrows raised.

"No!" Quinn stuck his tongue out as his brother. "I'm going to go as postmodernism! I'll wear, 'this is a Halloween costume' on a sign around my neck and...oh god, no. It's too easy."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL stfu, that is HILARIOUS.

Then I just spent two hours looking up icons and pictures from Asian horror films in order to app Oiwa-san tomorrow at FS. Now I think the worst idea would be to watch The Ring or The Grudge before bed.

So guess what I am doing?

God, I love horror movies. They own my soul.

(And today was a much better day :))

Token ghost books I buy every time I come to the US acquired! Why they don't sell books like this in NZ and Australia is beyond me. Except in The Haunted Bookshop in Melbourne. Oh Haunted Bookshop, I miss you even though your owner is an insufferable twat. For some weird reason, the guy LOVED me though I thought he would hate me because I look like SUCH a square. But when I asked for something and obviously knew what I wanted I think that helped. Actually, he probably loved me because I practically bought out his entire 'hauntings' section over the course of a year. He said it was harder and harder to find books on hauntings because of the internet, but there are plenty to be found here at Hastings and I found lots in the UK as well. Whatever, Drew is a weird guy. And he runs the Melbourne ghost tour. Which I would TOTALLY recommend if you are in Melbourne and interested in ghosts! It's awesome! Lalala Linky!

ANYWAY, I bought a huge book of tales of haunted places, because those are my favourite. Obviously as I have about 30 of the things. And then I bought Idiots Guide to the Paranormal because it not only talks about ghosts but it has stuff about angels and demons in there too. Which is interesting research for FG. I read about Belial in the car! And there's a section on the exorcism of Annaliese Somethingorother which was what The Exorcism of Emily Rose was based on.

I love these books. There was only one book by Holzer though. No good paranormal section is complete without several Hans Holzers, please. He wrote over a hundred of the things. Holzer died in 2009 and I totally cried because I am a loser. But he inspired my Father Peter father_peter because I wanted a character who knew about the supernatural (and is the reason Peter was in Austria originally, because Holzer is from Vienna) and his ideas of mediumship are still what I use when I write my mediums in Darker London.

Also? Also? I kind of bought The Idiot's Guide because it has a section called Father Peter's last Exorcism which made me laugh because like...MY Peter's last exorcism was Svetlana except it didn't work and Thomas totally died and I laughed out loud IN the store while I was reading what has nothing to do with my characters and is about a Roman Catholic exorcist. So there I am in the New Age aisle, holding a book about the paranormal and cackling. A lady who was walking by gave me a VERY strange look.

It was awesome :D

I am alone in the Social Work computer lab and one of the computer keyboards is typing by itself. Every once in a while it'll just...type a little and then stop. Not VISIBLY but I can hear the darn thing. Or I could before I got on this computer to write this. Before I was just on my teensy laptop which makes NO SOUND when you type because the keys are too small to be heard on a human level.

Okay holy moly.

Social Work GhOstS!

EDIT: My email tells me Conan O'Brien is a trending topic. Take that haters ;)

Ghostbus=AWESOME! I can't compare it to the London one because they were so completely different, much to my pleased surprise. This one wasn't really a bus with a made up history, it was just a tour with stories and we got to get off and wander. I loved both the tours because the London one was HILARIOUS and fun, and this one was more about stories and history which I love too! I'll share the photos tomorrow (which are pretty mad, okay...), because I can't actually plug my computer in and still sit with it on the bed, and it takes alllll my battery to upload photos :D SO you get them tomorrow along with the photos of the coast and (hopefully) the gaol and Fitzwilliam Square. And anything else I decide to do on my last day in the UK. That's right. After that, I'm headed to the US to see the fam, and then to NZ to see my girls before I return to Melbourne.

You know what's been awesome?! Other than being assaulted by the crowds in Edinburgh, I have not ONCE felt a bout of my normal social anxiety here. I wasn't all weird when hanging out with Clare and Jess and Muz and Lisa, and I haven't flipped out about ANYTHING (in a bad way OMGOMGYAYTHEBRIDGEOMG does not count...). Except not finding my hotel, but that lasted 4 seconds because I am fairly resourceful and decided to find a taxi. Good plan. It's been awesome. I'm forgetting I HAVE issues, which probably won't be so great when they come back but right now? I'm not going to knock it! I go right up to people, I talk to them, I don't hate it when they talk to me... I think there's just something about the UK that agrees with me. And I love it.

I’m on a train! I’m headed for London, which is very exciting and I can see the ocean which makes me very, very happy! The ocean is Lara’s favourite :D Apparently I'm in Somewhere-on-Tweed. It's pretty! And I cannot express how pleased I am to be leaving Edinburgh.

Now that I think about it, Edinburgh or where ever I happened to go after Vienna, was always going to suffer from a case of the Not-Viennas. I really wanted to love it, but I just didn't. That isn't to say I hated it, with the exception of the TERRIBLE hotel I was staying in. Dear Lord, never again. It was called the Herald House Hotel, but I have another, more colourful name for it which rhymes with (Don't look, Mommy!) Schmidthouse. I couldn't shower, the thingy was so small (though I gave it a go!). Ridiculous. And I think there was mould on the ceiling. But as I didn't know the festival was on when I booked, I didn't know to try to book accommodation in advance. Ah well.

The town itself is beautiful. My tours were incredibly enjoyable as was the visit to the castle. I will NEVER, and I say EVER return to Edinburgh during August again, however. The festival was impressive (I got chewed on by a zombie!), but there were people everywhere and they were all around me and shoving flyers in my face (Eventually I yelled 'JUST LEAVE ME ALONE' to one because I waved him away and he persisted by saying "oh, you'll love it" and then felt bad because he looked horrified...) and ARGH I couldn't take it. It was hard to find a place to eat or sit because of all the people. Never again. Though I did see the lovely Wes Snelling!! It was strange to run in to someone from Melbourne, even though I knew he would be there. I don't think an arts festival would be complete without the Wes. He yelled "LARA MOSES" and blew me a kiss because I was on a tour and therefore couldn't stop to chat :D

I walked down the Royal Mile from the Castle to Holyrood Palace and abbey (OMG Mary Stuart) but by the time I got there I couldn't be arsed to go in. So I took two photos through the gate and then sat outside and had Devonshire tea and figured the world could go screw itself! The scones were wonderful though, and I found a bus which took me to the Edinburgh dungeon which was GREAT fun! And then I found a pub and tried haggis, despite saying I wouldn't. It was actually good, though I wouldn't go out of my way to have it again. THEN I needed to find a place to hang until my next tour so I found a place advertising desserts and asked for the dessert menu only to be told 'this is a restaurant, get out'. Ooookay! Bastards. So I went to Starbucks, TAKE THAT! I guess they were worried I would take a table away from them where they could be selling a dinner, but it was 8:30 PM AND several people heard as they were coming in and they turned and walked away. MUAHAHHAHAH Jerks. I am not riffraff, and I don't think I look like it... So weird and RUDE.

The second tour was creepy and I can't imagine ever spending more than 20 minutes in the Blair Street vaults. Doors opened and closed (there really was no one there, we were STANDING RIGHT THERE) and we heard shuffling and screams. And I got locked in when I was on my way out all by myself, but I REALLY don't want to talk about THAT. So freaking scary... Then I returned to my hotel by walking uphill at night, by myself, because I couldn't find a taxi. TOO MANY PEOPLE. Oh and then this morning, my suitcase BROKE. So I taped it with crappy tape I bought from random-cheap-shop-owner-man, and the tape doesn't stick and it looks ridiculous and just maybe I want to scream but in a few hours I'll be in London, so what can you do, right? (STUPID SUITCASE, I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FAULTY ZIPPER) I guess this means "I think I want to buy a new suitcase in the US" just became "I have to buy a new suitcase in the US if not before..."

All in all, I know the experience was not the place, so I won't hold it against Edinburgh, which really is an amazing city full of mostly friendly people. I do want to come back when the festival isn't on sometime. I think the owner of the Mexican restaurant said it best though, when I was trying not to sob into my mariachi burger. "You're not really here, are you?" I replied, "no, I'm in Vienna". It really wasn't all bad by any stretch of the imagination, I'm just grumpy from being woken up at 6 am by the Scottish workmen rebuilding the next door building and yelling. The hotel had NO sound proofing OR air conditioning OR fans to drown out sound...yeah. The hotel did a lot to taint what could have been a lovely experience. I still remain glad I went because it was worth it to see the old town AND to go down in the vaults even if it was scary!!

Oh and I bought a teddy bear with a kilt, and I am totally in love with him. His name is Quinn (despite Quinn not being Scottish. His Uncle/adoptive daddy is) and I want to buy an Irish bear in Dublin now, to name Flynn, (despite Dublin not being in Northern Ireland where Flynn is from) so they can be fuzzy gay teddy bear lovers.

Wow, there are a lot of sheep. (I am obviously no longer by the ocean...) Bring on London and Clare and Lisa and Jess and a NICE hotel. *deep breath* I'll upload photos when I'm not on a train ;)

Oh, and I didn't see Dylan (he lives in Edinburgh), but I'd like to think it wasn't because I didn't try... :D I'm going to go back to listening to Amanda Palmer and writing because that makes me happy.