It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Didn't make three meals today, but I made two! And cake. A HUGE PIECE OF CAKE. Awww yeah! Gosh cake is an amazing invention. Caaaaaake. Cake.

Alison is coming home tomorrow. I am making chili because it has been again demanded. So I will leave the house to get rolls and wine in the afternoon tomorrow. Because I believe all are needed. And then this weekend I get to try out a new cupcake recipe. It is here. I am excite!

Also I finally put in for my refund from my student loans. Because it finally got approved and finally got here. So I should get my money in the next few days. It's nearly June. But you know. WHATEVER. :| At least it's nearly here. I shouldn't complain any more, but what a freaking ordeal. This means I can spend the money I just got from working on DVDs on the interwebs. MWUAHA!

My sleep schedule is so stupidly messed up. But I have cute kitties! And I am watching Danny Bhoy and reading about Celtic mythology. <3

My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!

My beautiful cathedral. That makes me want to sob. Of course, worse is the death toll and the trapped people and the horrible injuries and devastation and and and. I was just watching through the city this morning on my way to my first day of placement thinking "wow, so much scaffolding. This poor city." But you know what? The scaffolding was better.

We were all downstairs having lunch when it happened. It was five minutes until my first team meeting and then the entire building shook more strongly than anything I have ever felt and there was screaming and crashing and the lights went out and the lady next to me gripped my arm like a vice. And I sat there through it all, as calm as anything. When it stopped, we all exited the building (fumbling in the dark, but thank goodness we weren't upstairs) and when people asked me if I was okay, I said I was fine. I was surrounded by counsellors and social workers and I think I was the calmest one there and I don't know why. I went very focused. Get phone. Call Leah and Alison. Get home.

And then I looked to my left at the city center I was a five minute walk from. And I couldn't see it. The dust from collapsed buildings had obscured it completely. And I only kept from panicking that Ness and Jen were in there (they are okay, btw) because I was focused. Get phone. Call Ali and Leah. Get home. Got a text from Alison saying she was okay. Good.

My supervisor gave me a ride (bless her forever) and I finally called Leah. Talked her through an aftershock (to which my supervisor said 'GOOD!') as the car I was in shook like a mofo and people on the streets outside screamed and screamed. We drove past unspeakable damage and horror and I got home and my house is still standing. It's a mess, but still standing. And my vision blurred and I couldn't breathe and I sort of had a mini-panic attack. But I'm okay now. We have a broken pipe, but really? Lucky. So lucky. My kitty is sticking right by my side, but that's okay by me. Having a purring kitty curled up against your chest makes it a little better.

Have heard from all my friends. They're all safe. And my Tim Minchin CD came. The earth is still shaking all the time all the time and no dinner with Amanda Palmer (thankfully she hadn't flown in yet, but Jason Webley is in town and with Hera). But my girls are with me.