It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

My pulled chest muscle doesn't hurt as much anymore and I can breathe now (yay) but now it itches like mad!

Loan still up in the air. It's almost half-way through April. This doesn't make me happy, this makes me want to stab things.

Leah: "I have to think of a medieval Scottish name."
Me: (just pulling out first Scottish name I could think of. "Macbeth!"
Leah: "Yes. I am going to name my female kelpie Macbetha."
Me: "...Macbethany?"

Christ I am so clever it hurts me sometimes.

No, like...really. I laughed so hard at this (I tend to find myself funnier than anyone else does, something that always baffles me because like...I am amazing...) and it hurt my stupid chest.

Sitting in class today was excruciating. And then don't even get me started on how the rest of the day sucked major ass. At least I am home now with my girls, ignoring the rest of the shitty world.

You guys. I am such a- *headdesk*

Yesterday I finally bought another wrist brace because my entire right arm has been killing me lately. Repetitive strain injury (easy, tiger) from using the computer too much. So either stop (LOL!) or replace the brace I left in the US. It now takes me forever to type anything, but my fingers don't hurt. Or...well-

I am accident prone. I spent 98% of my life feeling distinctly dizzy and slightly unable to control my body. The only way I can really describe it is that it feels like I am a smaller person that ends a few inches before my body actually does, so I am unaware of where the edges of me are, and I always take a little longer to respond to stimuli externally than internally because I have no control over that few inches of me (yes I know how weird that sounds, but try experiencing it). Blood sugar problems are awesome. I fall over a lot. I run into things CONSTANTLY (my old workplace got so used to me saying 'ow' they sent ME to be the first aid person so the other one could stop thinking they had to help me every other hour). It's a good thing I don't generally bruise visibly or I would be covered in the things.

In the past week I tried to jump off the sofa to stop the cat from going out a window. I got headspin and slammed to the floor in full view of both housemates who were horrified. I cackled madly and then still caught the cat (BOOYAH). I burned three fingers on my left hand badly yesterday while cooking corn. They still hurt, but they didn't blister.

Today I was trying to get a cranefly out of the bathroom so I could take a shower. I was trying to splash water on it to get it to go out the window, and I gave it an overhand watertoss. I slammed my hand full-speed into the shower curtain rod. Oh my god the pain. They are actually already bruising and they still hurt a great deal, especially when I bend them (typing is FUN). And then, while stepping into the bath, my foot slid out and I almost fell into it. I stood there with one foot in the bath and one out of it, cackling madly because it was laugh or cry.

You're allowed to laugh too. It was hilarious.

Dear Self,

You are almost thirty. I know you like Rob Zombie and Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson, but headbanging on your knees on the floor, even to cheer your damn self up, is probably not the best idea. You will spend the next day walking around like you are fifty years older than you actually are. Which isn't very fun, is it? No. No, it's not.

It was still awesome though.

Much Love,

Me



Also I hate my printer. But I love you! Today is much better, despite my sore everything. I haven't curled up in a ball on the floor once today. Progress!

Went to the beach on the second and actually went swimming which was AMAZING! Apparently the first time we went tot he beach though, I forgot I HAVE IRISH SKIN and I didn't put sun block on. God I am amazingly stupid. I was wearing a tank top too, so like...all of my top half is burned to a crisp. And now my shoulder blade has a mosquito bite on it.

Fucking.Hell.

The beach is awesome though. I love swimming in the ocean. I played in the waves and got covered in sand and changed my clothes in a car park because it was awesome.

Today we had high tea at Sign of the Takahe which is like the coolest place ever. Then I nearly fainted from the heat so instead of going to the botanical gardens, we are hiding in the house where the air conditioner lives and watching Supernatural. YAY!

So...my head hurts more than it should be allowed to hurt, seeing as I did not go out and get drunk last night. I stayed in and drank juice and water and watched a movie before writing some on my essay. And posting 39728174 times to LJ because when writing essays I can't RP and LJ is my replacement RP because it takes less time SHUT UP don't judge.

When my head started hurting, my first thought was "LOL MAYBE I'M AN EMPATH! I'M HAVING EMPATH HANGOVERS" like some horrible person we all know and love who claimed to be one (thoroughly co-opting a part of a belief system, everyone loves that) to get attention that was otherwise not focused on her. Someone else was in pain and people were paying attention to them so she wasn't the center of the world? "FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT MY PAIN BOOYAH I AM THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE AGAIN!" Not...that she was doing it with hangovers...

ANYWAY my first thought was spiteful so I am a horrible person!

But, you know...maybe it's a sympathy hangover! More likely, I need coffee. Heaaaddddd :(

I got a new fan though! It won't make horrible clangy noises AND it has a timer so it won't be running all night long. I need the sound to fall asleep, but once I'm asleep, the electricity is fairly wasted! And the fan is more powerful too. Useful for summer!

Oh god, my poor brain. Back to my essay on the history of mental health policy in New Zealand *cries*

Jesus H. Particular Christ, my insides are melting. And yes YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW.

At least my back feels better today.

/old lady

I have 7,500 words left of assessments to write, one mihi to give, and then one exam which I am not worried about, and this university year will be over. Three more days of class. Two if I can't be buggered going on Monday which, frankly, I might not be. All the assessment for that class is over! We'll see. We'll see.

I don't like endings. But a summer of nothing? I might be looking forward to that.

Instead of NaNo, because I don't wanna, I am going to write 50,000 words in my RPGs. Because I CAN. And I am going to learn to play my guitar again so I can do it like I did before, and I am going to jam on my uke with Alison and Ness :D And probably drink white wine in the sun (because all you Minchin fans were waiting for it) though the wine might just be sparkly. Moscatoooooo. And I'll get to revel in the beauty of the place I live in, because it is SO beautiful. And then in December/January, my Jayannpants is coming to visit. Every time I think about it, I just about cry of happy.

Things are wonderful, despite the way I started the post. I don't know. I think I deserve it.

So I've spent all weekend studying and writing and I haven't brushed my hair in two days. Please note it is CLEAN, just wild and untamed, like my SOUL. Booyah. Now it's a bit wet and I'm cold, but my heater is on and I have a hottie and the girlies are watching Mitchell and Webb while I ignore it because I'm not entirely sure I get it... BUT We watched Stephen Fry's last look and QI and I made a sausage bake and tea and then I burned my hand with the water filling UP the water bottle, but it's all good.

It's ALL GOOD.

Because essays have eaten my brain. Eaten. Gone. Yesterday I spent the afternoon reading about social policy and fricking welfare and like...policy of policy makers making policy all for ONE 500 WORD REVIEW which is POINTLESS but it's out of the way so I can focus on how qualitative researchers use observation, focus groups, interviews and existing documentation to complete their research.

Reeeessseeaarrrcchhhhhhhh.

No seriously, brain eaten.

Tomorrow I get to ACTUALLY SEND MAIL because I've been waiting for the US Federal Aid lady to return my form to me before I send stuff to the US and she finally got to it. And then I have class and then more essays. Wheeeeeeee.

PS David Wells is my gay boyfriend. :D