It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Snow + New Zealand + Kitties + best friends + some Baileys (optional) + warmth + cameras = awesomeness.

I love this house.

♥

Finally closed my Australian bank account. I have been meaning to do this for months, back when there was like $20 in it. Now there is 4, which is pointless to transfer so I asked them to donate it to a charity. It was one of the options they gave me, though I feel ridiculous donating $4. But you know. It's better than nothing...

I have been tossing up writing up childhood stories. The (mostly) good ones, not the messed up ones. I grew up in a small town in the mountains and when I watch movies set in the 50s where kids are growing up it always makes me giggle because it was like that. Running all over town without worrying about safety really. Playing outside and not sitting in front of computers all the time. It would be an interesting writing exercise and I think we got up to some incredibly amusing and interesting things. And my memory is awesome, so I should write this shiz down while that is still true. Not that I am all "woe is me, I'm 30 and it's all downhill from here" because it's not. This isn't an age thing at all. It's just a desire to write it out.

Also I have quesadillas in the fridge. And tomorrow is fajitas and margaritas day (and also chocolate mousse if I can find the recipe). Life is good :D

If I haven't mentioned lately how much my mother rocks then here: my mother is pure awesome.

So I've been looking for birthday cards for you and haven't found the right one, so I gave up and decided I'd just confirm what I would have told you in the card-- that as long as you have the time at Christmas to come home, we will figure out how to get you here. If you have any $ to throw into the hat, that would be good, but your birthday/Christmas present will be whatever is needed to make up the difference for the ticket. If that's ok with you.

Uh. YEAH THAT'S OKAY WITH ME! Yay, Christmas with my family! I haven't had a Christmas that felt like Christmas since 2003. It's the one time of year I want snow and not summertime. And turkey and my mother's stuffing instead of a barbecue. Though Lewi's dad did do AWESOME and epic barbecues which always tasted of amazing, they still never felt right. Last year was good, but I still missed being in Montana.

And my sister and her family might be there too and just <3<3<3. This is what I needed right now when I feel sick and blah and hurgh. Perfect.

I sat around all day talking to people and not freaking out. I only left the room at one point to check my email but it wasn't because I wanted to be away from people at all. This is pretty impressive. It pleases me.

Had a great time watching Russell Brand and eating curry and drinking tea. People liked my Market Spice tea, YAY! I thoroughly enjoyed myself :D

I have been getting so many emails trying to get me to send them information and they will send me 450,000 USD or something ridiculous. One person claimed to be a bank manager but their email address was something@arsenalsupporter.co.uk

ARSENAL SUPPORTER?! At least TRY, dude. Don't send me a scam email from your footy fan email address and expect me to believe you. My stars and garters, people are stupid.

I have been so productive the last few days. I did my meeting, shopped, got my hair cut, contacted Petersgate for counselling, went with Alison to take Helios to the vet, finished over half of my essay BEFORE the day before it's due (I know, right?! and I am pleased with it, too!), did some work for my mom, did some dishes, and dyed my hair. I am about to go shopping again for other stuff we need. And wine glasses, since I broke one the other day and now we have only two (I think...) Then I will make chili and cupcakes. And the day before that I did a million errands as well. And not a single bit of it made me anxious.

Awesome.

I've been sleeping better, and when I woke up with a funny feeling throat thanks to the cold I am developing, I didn't panic. Which is awesomely amazing. First time.

Yesterday I had class which went really well, except that I was 40 minutes late. Why? I walked to the vet to get a flea treatment for the new kitten, Echo. But when I had printed out my assignment, I had taken my wallet out of my bag to get my student ID to write it on the cover sheet. I did this at home, so at least I didn't leave my wallet somewhere public, but it wasn't in my bag at the vet's. :|. I had been planning on taking the bus from there to uni to turn in my medical withdrawal form and turn in my assignment with plenty of time to get to class. Except then I had to walk home. And then the bus was late. And then it stopped to let about 500 kids on, which is fine as that is what a bus is for, but they were stupid kids and took forever to wrestle before boarding the bus and then struggling to find their own wallets. And then the student services office had moved. And then I got lost trying to find it. And then I had to cross campus to turn in my assignment. And then the bus to the Dovedale campus took forever too. So yes. Late. But I didn't panic then either. Hurrah.

Today I have a meeting with Anxiety Support Canterbury. I am going to discuss counselling and group with work them. And I am not anxious about the meeting at all. I can't even describe how that feels.

So instead I am about to post 25 photos of kittens. Yesterday the sun was streaming in and since my flash is as bright as a thousand suns and washes everything out, I decided to take photos of the cats with natural light so people could see what they really looked like. And then the photos looked amazing. So I took like...150. Shut up, these are freaking gorgeous. The cats and the pictures ;)

( You should be glad there are only 25... )

My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!

For most of today I was reading over one of my characters I am bringing from Darker London over to Strays. He is a philosophy student, and my outlet for philosophical nerding. Therefore, that is where I put all my jokes I think are hilarious but everyone else kind of looks at me funny. Yeah. I was reading old entries and threads with him and laughing about how awesome I am ;) Postmodernism jokes FTW.

Quinn chuckled. "You sound half toasted already, might as well surrender to the fumes, eh?! Oh my god, Eamon, I just realised what to go as to the philosophy department's Halloween party!"

"A fume?" Eamon asked, his eyebrows raised.

"No!" Quinn stuck his tongue out as his brother. "I'm going to go as postmodernism! I'll wear, 'this is a Halloween costume' on a sign around my neck and...oh god, no. It's too easy."

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL stfu, that is HILARIOUS.

Then I just spent two hours looking up icons and pictures from Asian horror films in order to app Oiwa-san tomorrow at FS. Now I think the worst idea would be to watch The Ring or The Grudge before bed.

So guess what I am doing?

God, I love horror movies. They own my soul.

(And today was a much better day :))

Now. Scream 4. Since I refuse to write it in text speak.

( Spoilers galore. Don't click unless you've seen it or don't care! )

Saint Patrick's Day is nice :D

And Chelsea is adorable.

We ate chili (I was too lazy to plan something Irish and I like chili better than Irish food anyway) and watched Tim Minchin and had wine and Bailey's.

And we watched All Dogs Go to Heaven. It is awesome.

Good night!