It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I had a good week, but two hours ago panic flared up again. It's to be expected, as I haven't been taking the meds for long and they can't fix everything right away. Today the panic attacks were caused by a combination of a bit of dry mouth (thanks, meds) and http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/tongue-symptoms.shtml <---that. Though finding out it is indeed a symptom does help. I've had this 'my tongue feels huge and stupid' feelings on and off since I started having these panic attacks so I knew it wasn't an allergic reaction to something. Once again I feel a little better now that I know it's just my anxiety causing my anxiety. Like the http://www.npadnews.com/anxiety-symptoms.asp#swallowing difficulty swallowing I am STILL having when I get worked up.

Blah. I'm tired now, but I'll be fine. I'm feeling calmer and my tongue doesn't feel frozen and huge any more, at least not all the time. Just on and off.

The brain is a weird thing. Just...really, really weird. But I drank coffee and wham, anxious. Curse you, blessed caffeine.

My cat just had poo stuck to her bum. This is not the first time this has happened to her, because she is one classy lady. But apparently to fix it this time, she felt she needed to DRAG ASS ALL OVER MY CARPET!

Ariadne, I love your squishable face and your adorable everything, but DO NOT DRAG YOUR ASS ON MY CARPET! I just scrubbed an epic, wonky poo trail six feet long, AFTER removing the offending poonugget from her fur while she gave me an evil glare for interfering with her bathing process. Yeah, sorry I didn't want you ingesting it in order to get it off yourself.

It's been a hell of a day. So now instead of calling her 'kitten' or 'chicken' (she hardly ever gets called Ariadne) I am going to call her Skidmark.

She earned it.

...my goodness this entry is disgusting. The joys of pet ownership. It's a glamorous thing, you guys.

I'll post about placement later. Too tired for life and I feel beyond ill.

Yesterday I woke up and it was hard to breathe. Why, say you? Because apparently my body decided what would add to the happiness of this traumatic event was getting sick. And because my nose was blocked and I was sleeping with my mouth open and my throat was sore, ...wait for it... my uvula swelled up to three times it's normal size. It was so big I couldn't talk. I am not exaggerating. It was so freakish I thought I was dreaming at first and had to convince myself I was awake.

It panicked me, but thankfully I seem to be resourceful even when being sure I was about to choke on my own mouth (and I kept imagining people would be like 'yeah she was fine after the earthquake, but then she choked on herself). I took anti-inflammatory pills and then looked up swollen uvulas online. Apparently they're not that rare, but I have never felt anything like it. It said to eat something cold so I ate a popsicle and then booked in a doctor's appointment. By the time I left the house the swelling was down, but my throat still hurt quite bad.

It took me two hours to get from my house to the campus health centre. It should only take about a half an hour, but the traffic and the waiting and augh. And then the doctor told me I was fine, I just had a cold and she told me to get anti-inflammatory spray from the chemist. I think I asked her 75 questions, including "how the hell does this even happen" and she was very patient and calmed me down.

I think it was best that I was forced to leave the house. Nothing bad happened. Now I know I can leave the house without the city falling down. I'm a little less traumatised. Of course, now I'm sick. :|

I had a dream that had boiling water and falling down houses and blarrrr. The aftershocks are still scary and big and yuck.

OH MY GOD, I CAN'T SLEEP AND THEN MY CAT JUMPED UP ON ME, DROOLED INTO MY MOUTH AND THEN JUMPED OFF OF ME AGAIN!

Drive by drooling lol!

I am so grossed out and tired... And hungry. I suspect that is why I cannot sleep. So I shall nom something, despite my plans of just sleeping instead.

Cat drool doesn't count as a meal.

I am on a computer at Uni. The screen is odd and curved and old and hard to see and this keyboard...I'm trying not think about what is living under the letters I am using to form what can hardly be called thoughts. Seriously. Keyboard trolls could survive for months on the detritus that is festering between the 26 characters in the English language contained in this keyboard.

...it's 26 letters, yeah? No sleep makes Lara something something.

BUT I had a lovely discussion about socialism and Why Americans Are Silly because they are resisting 'socialist ideals' for all the wrong reasons. I.E. YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, NEENER NEENER! or...whatnot. Socialist reforms, according to our lecturer, saved NZ's arse after the depression. They're not always bad. I don't think ANYONE is trying to make the US into a socialist country, just you know...one that cares about it's citizens. And my classmate was saying that in the UK there are a lot of similar debates. She mentioned Thatcher while talking about something else, and then she spit and I laughed. She said, "I'm sorry, I can't say her name without spitting," and I said, "you just reminded me of a dear friend of mine," and it made me smile. Spitting made me smile for probably the first time ever, as it is largely disgusting.

ANYWAY I am too far gone to actually expand on any of the other issues we discussed, but it was nice to have a RATIONAL explanation with someone about this crap. You mention it to someone in the US who has a differing opinion, and suddenly people are insulting each other's mothers. But dear GOD you guys.

Something's gotta give.

MY CAT JUST SNEEZED INTO MY HAIR EW EW EW!

But it was rather endearing!

Leah and I are watching The Labyrinth and she turned to me in complete horror and said, "....do you know what?! ...in a few years? They're going to remake this."

And then she almost cried. And my childhood broke.

We decided the only way it would be okay is if Johnny Depp plays Jareth (ohhhhhhhh yyyeeeeaaahhhhh). And then Leah horrified me by saying Miley Cyrus would be Sarah and the Goblins would all be CGI.

I would DIE. Leave my childhood alone!

(Jennifer Connolly was so my first girlcrush. Followed by Gabrielle Anwar in Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken so I squealed when she was in The Tudors... Awwww, childhood!)

...Oh my dear good god. Why? Why does this exist? Meaning the actual video, not the hilarious lyrics they recorded over it. David Hasslehoff, you terrify me...



So funny though. Oh dear.

First things first, My Lewi is getting published!! Because he's superbrilliant ;) Everybody say YEEAAHHHHH!

Lewi and I went to see The Lovely Bones last night, and I did rather like it. I do have a complaint, however. Rachel Weisz and I have to have a little chat. The woman used to be sexy. She had curves. Curves of mmmmmm. Seriously. Exhibit 1 Exhibit 2 (although you can SEE the photo shopping here which means she's even curvier than that)

( SO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME BECAUSE ARGH WHY!? )

That photo doesn't even QUITE do it justice because she's standing with her 'hip' out. In most of the movie, she looked sicklier and skinnier than that. She did NOT look like the main character's mother, she looked like her older sister because CLEARLY someone with that body is FOURTEEN YEARS OLD MY GOD!

Rachel. You used to make me so happy. You were beautiful and proud and good on you. Why why why?!

I am Not Well.

I went to the doctor again because the pain in my throat and the bad bad bad feeling in my lungs wasn't letting up. This is now the 5th time I have been to see a doctor since the end of November when all this illness started and FINALLY someone prescribed me some freaking antibiotics. She said the colds (since I have had two) both had complications thanks to my asthma (thanks, asthma!) and she's pretty sure the second one caused a rather nasty round of bronchitis. Again. And this one? SO much worse than the stuff I had two weeks ago.

And then she tried to prescribe me a medication with sulfa in it. Because it's Sunday, I had to go to a medical centre I've never been to before and you write in your medical history, including medications you are allergic to. I am allergic to ONE and it's sulfa. I break out in hives all over and it's absolutely ghastly. You think she would have READ my patient card, but no. She handed me the prescription and I was like "Uhm....this says sulfa? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!?"

Well, I didn't say it like that, but I felt it like that.

So I gots me some amoxicillian and I feel like I'm dying. Every time I breathe in deeply I cough. And my throat is still terribly sore, but now it tastes like oranges. Strepsils ;)

Let's see if THIS makes me better.

Though I did stop in to a bakery after going to the chemist, and I bought myself a Christmas cupcake and then I did a performance art piece about just how I am feeling about Christmas by eating Santa's face. Yum yum.