It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

Bought a cat tree house (the tunnels are not that big at all and I don't think Ariadne could even remotely fit in them but the rest is awesome) and they love it! Well the kittens were immediately convinced. They climbed up there before I was even done building it. I had to place Ariadne in one of the little cat hammocks and manually curl her up and then hold her there while I pet her for several minutes before she calmed down, but she hasn't moved since and she looks quite happy with her new sitting place. She's going to sleep in fact. See, baby? Sometimes when I bother you, I actually have your best interest at heart instead of just wanted to kiss your wee face because it is so cuteomg.

Also, check out the spam email I got (this is a print screen I took. It's safe to click!) It makes me laugh quite hard. I don't live in the US, guys. I didn't file a tax return. And much better on disguising your address there and even including a header, but still not falling for it. You sort of uhm...used some wrong words there. But you are getting craftier. Bravo.

The last few nights have been rough. I can't sleep again. Increased adrenaline makes for increased anxiety which makes for me staying up until 6 am and sleeping badly when I finally do fall asleep. I have a little dry mouth again and that's annoying. Huurrr. The social anxiety is still okay, I think! And I have finally gotten my head back into writing, YAY! Thank goodness for that. I missed it while it was gone!

Also thank goodness for our new cheese toastie machine. I will never eat anything else. And all the tea. I drink it. All.

I used to spend my life in my high school theatre. There were days I could be at school from 8 in the morning until 9-10 at night. I didn't drive until I was 21 because instead of taking driver's ed, I was doing everything I possibly could in that theatre. I ate, slept and breathed that place.

When I was in my final year of high school and I was on my way to rehearsal when I saw a little girl in the hallway behind the theatre, crying. She was about eight and I went over to her to ask what was wrong. She said her mother was supposed to pick her up a half an hour before that (why she was being picked up at a high school when she was 8, I still do not know) and she was scared that her mother had been in a car accident. I asked if her mother had a cell phone and she nodded, so I led the poor girl through to the speech office so she could try calling her mother.

When there was no answer, and the girl started crying again, I told her we should go out to where she was supposed to be picked up and I would wait with her.

I ended up waiting with her for nearly 45 minutes. I kept her calmer than she probably would have been by talking about stupid things and telling her ridiculous stories about myself and my very strange friends. Her mother eventually came by and the girl hugged me and they went on their way. I have no idea why the mother was late, or what happened, but I never saw the girl again and I don't remember her name.

What I do remember, was that I was late to my rehearsal. I knew I would be, and since one of the advantages of my crazy brain is that it traps things inside its cage of memory, I had the entire play memorized already so I figured it would be okay. The director wasn't pleased however, and he informed me of this. I told him I had been waiting with a scared, little girl, and he asked me why that was my responsibility.

You know...if that's how you think, then I guess it wasn't. My responsibility was to my cast mates and my director and despite the fact that I was never late before and always went above and beyond to help and be do whatever I could to move the production forward, I was still late this time and that had inconvenienced people. I still feel like the right thing to do was to stay with the poor girl. What about my responsibility to help out another human being; to care for someone who was scared and alone? If I had been that scared little girl, I would hope someone would have extended the same kindness to me. I just apologized and we got on with it, but I never really forgot that.

I'm not someone who can pass people by. Which is why I am the one who ends up sitting with the homeless person on the street who passed out and hit their head on the pavement so hard they are bleeding into their eyes, while they wait (for over an hour) for the ambulance to come. The amount of people who walked by that day, averting their eyes so they didn't have to see, makes me feel ashamed. I don't ever want to be that kind of person. It's why I'm doing what I'm doing, despite the fact that I am not okay. The helping people is as natural as breathing. It's not going out of my way, because helping people is my way. It's everything else that's the problem. Forcing myself to leave my home, when it's the only place that I feel safe. Forcing myself to talk to people, even though I'm terrified of it. All that functioning as if I don't panic about every little thing, that's the hard part. It makes me feel like I have no right to act like I could actually help. I feel barely human. Sometimes I feel like giving up. But I won't. I can't. I'm taking responsibility. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

I just got this message sent to me on Facebook (ignore the Pirate English, that's due to my language settings):

Regaarrding: Fun for cancer awareness

"Some fun is going on.... just write the colour of your bra in your status. Just the color, nothing else. And send this on to ONLY women, no men .... It will be neat to see if this will spread the wings of cancer awareness. It will be fun to see how long it takes before the men will wonder why all the girls have a colour in their status... Haha"

You know...first of all, I fail to see how this is going to spread the wings of any awareness, but that isn't the point of my issue here. It says 'send this message only to women, no men'. Uhm...if the point of it is to spread breast cancer awareness, SHOULDN'T WE SPREAD THE AWARENESS THAT MEN CAN GET IT TOO?!?!

*headdesk repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly*

I know it's rare, but that, again, ISN'T MY POINT. I found a website from Australia which says Breast cancer is uncommon in men, accounting for less than 1% of all breast cancers. In Australia in 2001, a total of 95 men were diagnosed with breast cancer. Breast cancer in men occurs more commonly in those aged 50 years and older.

Even so, how many of those 95 men would even have KNOWN it was possible? They probably thought "Uh...isn't this a woman's disease?" If we're 'spreading awareness' we shouldn't be so sexist about it. Things like this are supposed to be silly and cute, but they piss me off.

Awareness shouldn't cut off 50% of the population, geniuses.

(Also, I am sick AGAIN but this is the fault of the meds. Bloody things.)

So..kind of since Wednesday I have been noticing that my throat was getting sore again. I think I posted on Facebook that I was worried about ANOTHER cold. Turns out it was just that the antibiotics (which I finished on Sunday) weren't enough and now it's coming back again. AGAIN. Again. I have been dealing with this since NOVEMBER 28TH!!!! I AM DONE NOW!!

So now I have stronger antibiotics, and the will to kill someone in a rather messy and satisfyingly bloody way. So instead of committing homicide, Lewi and I are going to go to see The Lovely Bones which involves a homicide. And then maybe I'll write a homicide, just to really make sure.

Stupid safhusaphifsdas hfisahs. Yes.

I love Gene Wilder.

- I just tried to sign in as 'Amaris'. Uhm NO. That's not even her USERNAME what is WRONG WITH ME!

- I am now back to sitting in the high desk at work because I'm a freakin' princess! RESPECT!

- I bought a yogurt this morning and I keep forgetting to eat it...

- I finalised being admitted into my course, talking to ANZ about setting up a bank account while still here which YAY and sent off my student loan application.

- I have one hour and thirteen minutes left of work this year omg.

- I have eaten about 8928432 tiny Ferrero Rochers. Holy AWESOME, Batman.

- I got MICHAEL'S POPCORN. It is full of epic awesome. You have no idea.

- I get to go shopping at the DVD store. PLEASE TO BE BUYING MYSELF NO DVDS! HAVE SOME RESTRAINT WOMAN!

- I cannot stop coughing :( BUT I am feeling better in all other ways :D

- YAY.