It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

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Less earthquakes. It would be nice to stop worrying about losing everything. (Though really, I could go on and on about every country.)

It's been a while since I did this! But Dylan is being interviewed by a New Zealander and he talks about the earthquake. And also I love him, as he is my favourite everything.

( Comedian Dylan Moran worries about earthquake victims but not popularity polls and his impending 40th, writes Stephanie Holmes. )

Semester 2 has started and already I have had a class cancelled because the university just didn't figure out the class venue in time. I can't deal well with this. I miss the Social Work building. It was a safe and familiar place. Being in a different room every time and not knowing where classes are or when until an hour before is nerve-wracking and I am a person who likes constancy and normalcy. I have anxiety disorders. These things are important.

It might just be that I am still sick and overly tired, but I don't want to go back at all. And it's not that I don't love what I am studying, because I do (except for policy omfg). I still want to be a social worker and I still want my degree, but I am starting to think this year might be a wash. I can't concentrate on anything, and I already put off my first placement. Now apparently I should have heard about my second placement by now but I haven't so I had to email them to remind them I got permission to do the second placement without the first, given by the program coordinator who said he wasn't worried about me because dammit, I'm awesome. I don't know what do to. It's all...*sigh* I need my student loan, which is the only reason I stayed enrolled at all. If I can't concentrate enough to study, and yet I can't really drop out, what the ever livin' fuck can I do, eh?

Part of me wants to quit and go study the rest of my degree in Ireland or something. But I love the people here. Hrrnnnggghhhh. And I did love the city, but it's gone now.

Fuck it all. Fuck this earthquake. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck motherfucking fuck fuck fuck. Can it be December now so I can go see my mommy?

I can't imbed this, but there is an aerial video of the quake damage in Christchurch at Stuff.co.nz: http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/christchurch-earthquake/videos

It's heartbreaking.

Totally depressed and feel like sobbing forever. Everything is crumbling and it's all very, very doomy and gloomy. Fucking earthquakes anyway.

I got tea in the mail though. Tea and also a mink blanket (it is not actually mink, it just feels like it) and more tea. So, you know. That's nice. But the blanket is black as my soul. Aaaand now I have that song in my head.

Rearranged my room last night. I set up my new bookcases and the kettle (muhahhahhaa room-kettle!) and now I just have to put the new blanket on my bed. When I have motivation to do more than just sit here and feel shitty about everything in the world ever.

The ground can stay still now, please? I have spent nearly a year writing 'stop it, Christchurch' LJ entries. They have to be as tiring to read as they are to write.

Yesterday's quakes upgraded to 5.7 and 6.3.

I just slept for 11 hours. That was nice. Though I am still exhausted.

People developed hypothermia last night because it was so cold. Some people didn't have power to run their heaters or to keep warm. I just... I think hiding from the world for a little while sounds like a good idea.

That'll teach me to complain about not being affected. There was a 6.0 after the 5.5. I was in the living room with Leah and things started falling down. The whole house swayed and so I dove under the door with Leah to cling until it stopped. There is dripping in the roof, but I think that stopped too. So our hot water tank must have sloshed some more water out of it. The kittens are fine, though Ariadne won't come out from under my bed.

City council staff at the Art Gallery's civil defence headquarters said the 2.20pm aftershock was "very very significant" and a number of buildings had collapsed in the red zone.

Emergency teams confirmed the leaning Hotel Grand Chancellor had tipped further over.

The Art Centre's historic clock tower has lost its clockface. It has shattered and fallen to the ground.

And there's yet more photos. Like this one.

Enough of this.

EDIT: Key said to demonstrate the significance of today's quakes, the magnitude six quake this afternoon registered an eight on the Mercalli scale which measures the intensity of earth quakes. By comparison the February 22 earthquake was a nine.

Not surprised. That one today did feel as horrible as that one in February.

EDIT 2: "This size of events is likely to produce its own aftershock sequence, therefore rejuvenating aftershock activity at least in the short term."

OH GOOD. Again not surprised. But *sigh*

I was looking at photos of the tornado and storm damage in Massachusetts which is heartbreaking. But all I can think when I look at these photos is "...that looks about normal" which I hate.

But I live in Christchurch. And I see things like this every time I leave the house. And have now for coming up on a year. And I have such sympathy for what those poor people are dealing with and what they will deal with in the future. But I'm not shocked by the photos. I rode past dozens if not hundreds of buildings like those just on my way to placement every day.

I kind of miss being shocked. But I've been numbed to it.

EDIT: JUST AS I POST IT the biggest aftershock we have had since February happens. At least it felt the biggest and shit fell down and my bridge puzzle broke! (It goes back together easily enough)

And it did this.



So. What I meant was photos of crumbling buildings don't shock me. The damn earth? It still does. Fuck you, Earthquake. Fuck you.

This is what our central city looks like. Still.

http://eqstreetcam.co.nz/1001100170

If you click on play, it'll take you through all the streets. It's horrible.