It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

OH MY GOD! I just said to Lewi:

"I was saying bye to the girls, but I accidentally typed 'buy' as in gekauft! ....oh my GOD, that was German. I mean BOUGHT!"

AHahahhahaa my made linguistic skills crack me up. And Lewi remained confused.

PS my cold keeps getting worse and it ANNOYS ME

I JUST Slept for fourteen HOURS. Yeah. Think I needed that. Anyway, on to the real nitty gritty of this post. New Moon (Sorry, Liv! But to answer your Facebook question, YES I am ashamed.)

I went to see it last night, because I figured why not? Lewi was going out clubbing and movie theatres are cool. Meaning temperature-wise. I don't usually dig a room with sticky floors and frick-tonnes of people. Anyway, I went to a 5:45 session, AKA the LOSERS session. I expected it to be slightly less crowded because...you know...losers. It was not. Now, usually if I arrive before the doors open, I station myself right by the doors so I can get it right away. YES even if it's allocated seating. That's just how I roll, mate. I'm a pushy person, and it annoys me that the usual rate of heading into a theatre is a slow, bovine-like lumber. Ask Clare, who witnessed me telling her to 'just push through!' the crowd of very British people on the Thames river boat, while she looked at me like I had two heads. But dude, I'm American and even I won't go up against a bunch of rampant Twi-hards. I'd have been trampled.

It took the theatre staff roughly until 10 minutes after the ticketed showtime to clean the theatre, and I was praying for their safety as several people decided they were sick of waiting and just barged in. They were promptly thrown back out having hissy fits and saying things like "EDWARD WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!" A weird girl sidled up to me and looked me up and down and we had this ENLIGHTENING conversation:

Her: I'm really looking forward to this.
Me: Oh?
Her: Yeah. Ever since I saw the first movie.
Me: Hmmm.
Her: I never read it. I don't like novels. I read like two lines and then I'm like 'screw this'.
Me: It's not so much a novel as a 'dear diary' moment that goes on for 12,000 pages too long...
Her: ..... Edward's hot. I like your cup.

(Here is where I admit that I bought the 'New Moon Combo' to get the plastic cup with RPattz's face for Jen! Sorry, you have to deal with Kristen and whateverhisnameisdogboy too... But GOODNESS I am so thoughtful!)

Me: Okay.
Her: So yeah, I think it'll be really good.
Me: Mmmm.

And then her friend came to join her and she pointed at me and went "Look, she got the combo with the cup. Haha, freak." And I just refrained from calling her an illiterate, moronic waste of oxygen. Because no one wants to waste a good insult on someone who will go ".....Edward's hot."

We finally were let in to the theatre and we were blessed with hecklers. Normally those are the people I (the pushy American) would shout at to SHUT UP! But they were hilarious. There was an ad that basically insisted that if you wanted to be like Edward you had to drive a Volvo. Sorry, Lewi. And then the hecklers commenced booing every time you saw Edward, and cheering for Jacob. Awesome. Best lines though?:

Bella: "Edward! I'm coming!"
Edward: "No! I don't want you to come!"

Whomever wrote the screenplay? Standing ovation. You basically explained the plot of the first three and a half novels in two lines so utterly perfectly that no one could have done it better.

And the award for best actor goes to RPattz's painted on abs. Brilliant.

Oh, how was the movie? It was alright. I think Kristen Stewart cracked a smile. But only one, after all, she is Bella Swan.

Working here is awesome...

Yesterday Lisa was talking to one of the theology course coordinators. She is a theology student, so they get along really well and have a good relationship. Apparently he was trying to get her to do something and she was refusing.

Lisa: "No. No, it's a school issue. It's your thing and if you want to do it, I think it should come from the school, I'm not going to do that." *pause* "You know, you're a theologian, I don't think you should be saying 'Jesus Christ' like that, it's not very good..."

And I pissed myself laughing. Also, the Assistant Academic Registrar (Student Systems) was down yesterday and he walked past me. He's in charge of computers and well..systems, among other things.

Leo: "Hi, Lara! How are you?"
Me: "Leeooooooo, my computer isn't WORKINGGGGG!"
Leo: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
Me: "IT CROWD!" *raises arms in triumph*
Leo: "YEAH! *matches me*
Everyone else: O_O....?

We bonded. BTW? Turning it off and on again? Worked. :|

There's a man at the cafe downstairs who has a rather unique accent. He's incredibly cheerful and always friendly, but most of the time I can't understand him and that makes me really nervous. Social situations, you know... He's from an Eastern European country...you know, previously part of the USSR but not Russia. I do not know which part and if he told me I think I would have a hard time understanding what he meant, which makes me feel bad because he's so lovely!

Anyway, apparently last week Joanne asked for a coke and he asked, in his loud and jolly voice, "DO YOU WANT A BIG COCK OR A SMALL COCK?!" because apparently in his accent Coke=cock. Now I wasn't there last week, and I had never experienced this because I drink Pepsi.

Until today.

Me: "I'd like a Pepsi Max, please."

He wandered away to search the fridge and he came back. "No Pepsi. 'sall gone! You want a cock!? 'snice cock! You know you want a cock!"

Me: ".... nothanks"

Turns out there was Pepsi Max anyway, he was just looking in the wrong fridge. Still, the entire cafe heard this and died laughing. Me? I just died.

EDIT: And a student just sent in an email that said

"Dear Lisa,

sorry for my stupid."

AWESOME.

I organised a sweep at work for the Melbourne Cup (early because a lot of people are taking Monday off) and we were drawing horse names today. Cassie pulled a name out of the Mickey Mouse hat and she laughed and yelled "HAH! Think Monkey!"

I sighed and said, "honey, that says 'Think Money'."

Her reply, a rather crestfallen: "...Oh. That's not as funny." Which is true! Still, I was very amused. And then I walked across the busy city street to the campus to let the student centre peeps draw names. Carrying the Mickey Mouse hat. I got SO many strange looks and I just waved :D

Oh, and today our house WASN'T attacked by a wayward swarm of crazy flying ant-things!

Some days are just made of awesome.

HAhahahahahahhahaa! You know, if dispatching Pennwise was done this way, It would have been a very different book! Instead of the ritual of Chud (minus one umlauty thing) they just lure him on front of a television set and blast Beyonce at him. GO, PENNYWISE GO...AHHAHAHAHHAAHAH WE GOT YOU NOW!

It would have been much shorter and somewhat less enjoyable, but very a-a-a-amusing.

Ah, Stephen King in-jokes. ILY Mr King. Marry me.

He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. That's a bit different than Single Ladies!

And, completely off-topic, at work when I am on break I put my Sirius Black action figure up so my team leader knows. Except today I forgot and my boss said, "You're on break where's your little troll?!" And I was like "IT'S SIRIUS BLACK OMG!" And she thought that was hilarious... He needed to have his honour defended!

*shifty*

Lewi and I went out to eat tonight. I know OoooOOoooo date omg!!1! Anyway, the following occurred as we were walking to the restaurant. Technically as we were stopped at an intersection waiting to cross the street.

Me: "HOMG!" *points at the seemingly empty road in wonder, mouth wide open*
Lewi: "What?"
Me: "A bird totally just pooed SO big and it landed there! HAHAHHAHAHA!"
Lewi: "....wow."
Me: "I KNOW! HAHHAH LOOK! LOOK AT THAT BIT THERE! SPLASHBACK! HAHHAHA!"
Lewi: "Honey, no..."
Me: "YES, LOOK AT IT!" *Points*
Lewi: "....you show me the nicest things."

Seven years people. Seven years of romance and we're giggling at bird poop.

...technically that was just me ;)

We were playing the game Apples to Apples, which is a game where one person pulls a card with a describing word, and the rest of the people have hands of seven nouns. The point of the game is to find one or two nouns from your hand which the describing word describes and then the person who had the describing word judges which noun works best. SO, if I pull the card and it says 'Snazzy' and you have a hand of seven cards you have to choose which fits best. Like 'tuxedo' or 'James Bond' or even something funny like 'potatoes'.

So, the word was 'Spunky'. MMhmmm. The card suggested 'Spunky' meant Upbeat, uplifting, cheerful. Of course, it means other things in slang terms. Which I won't link from my mother's work computer, but look it up in the urban dictionary, okay. Anyway, the person judging ended up with lots of cards, and one among them which said 'My Bedroom'. Which is HILARIOUS in the slang way! It won, and guess who put it in there?

My MOTHER.

Which is SHOCKING if you know her. And when we asked if she knew what the slang term meant? She did. Which is why she put it in there.

I am going to laugh about it FOREVER. :D!

MY mommy just said "Cool Beans"!

I know most of you won't care, but it was awesome. Also she gave me the laptop for my birthday, without me knowing that was what it was. It amuses me.

Lara: "That sausage roll smells funny. Or maybe it's me!"
Lewi: "Maybe."
Lara: "OI! Are you saying I smell funny?!"
Lewi: "Well I'm not supposed to disagree with you."
Lara: "....well played..."

(I smell like lilacs and hair dye :( )