It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light...

I do not go to parties, but last night Alison went to one and she texted me many times. It was an epic text conversation. She has recently turned predictive text on. This is a case for not doing so...

Herein lies a record of Alison's amazing drunk!texts. I was laughing all night long.

( Unfiluted Absintie )

You guys. I am such a- *headdesk*

Yesterday I finally bought another wrist brace because my entire right arm has been killing me lately. Repetitive strain injury (easy, tiger) from using the computer too much. So either stop (LOL!) or replace the brace I left in the US. It now takes me forever to type anything, but my fingers don't hurt. Or...well-

I am accident prone. I spent 98% of my life feeling distinctly dizzy and slightly unable to control my body. The only way I can really describe it is that it feels like I am a smaller person that ends a few inches before my body actually does, so I am unaware of where the edges of me are, and I always take a little longer to respond to stimuli externally than internally because I have no control over that few inches of me (yes I know how weird that sounds, but try experiencing it). Blood sugar problems are awesome. I fall over a lot. I run into things CONSTANTLY (my old workplace got so used to me saying 'ow' they sent ME to be the first aid person so the other one could stop thinking they had to help me every other hour). It's a good thing I don't generally bruise visibly or I would be covered in the things.

In the past week I tried to jump off the sofa to stop the cat from going out a window. I got headspin and slammed to the floor in full view of both housemates who were horrified. I cackled madly and then still caught the cat (BOOYAH). I burned three fingers on my left hand badly yesterday while cooking corn. They still hurt, but they didn't blister.

Today I was trying to get a cranefly out of the bathroom so I could take a shower. I was trying to splash water on it to get it to go out the window, and I gave it an overhand watertoss. I slammed my hand full-speed into the shower curtain rod. Oh my god the pain. They are actually already bruising and they still hurt a great deal, especially when I bend them (typing is FUN). And then, while stepping into the bath, my foot slid out and I almost fell into it. I stood there with one foot in the bath and one out of it, cackling madly because it was laugh or cry.

You're allowed to laugh too. It was hilarious.

I have to go back to class tomorrow. I am pretending it doesn't exist, so here. Sillyness.

In response to a post by Judo denouncing Justin Beiber (or whoever he is) for basically saying 'lol if you are MY fan, believe what I say!' regarding abortion, I give you Tim Minchin and his song The Good Book

I am not an atheist, but come on, kiddo. Grow up a little and don't use your book to tell other people how they should think. Especially when it's not their book. *pats* Listen to this song. It is sensible. And awesome. And even I can tell it's sarcastic, which is a feat because most people are aware I am not good at reading sarcasm...

( Kids get killed when God gets mad )

And the video. Because you can always do with a little of Tim Minchin's crazy smile in your lives. You know you can.

( Cutty poopoo )

Dear Self,

You are almost thirty. I know you like Rob Zombie and Beautiful People by Marilyn Manson, but headbanging on your knees on the floor, even to cheer your damn self up, is probably not the best idea. You will spend the next day walking around like you are fifty years older than you actually are. Which isn't very fun, is it? No. No, it's not.

It was still awesome though.

Much Love,

Me



Also I hate my printer. But I love you! Today is much better, despite my sore everything. I haven't curled up in a ball on the floor once today. Progress!

The LFoD continues to be hilarious.

Luke: "Tequila is the Devil's urine."
Leah: "I love it when the devil pisses on me then!"

And that is all you get because I am still miffed at the world.

So, last night we went to see Black Swan and it was awesome and messed up. And then, just now, Alison said THIS.

Alison: "Last night I had this dream, and I don't remember all of it. It was like Black Swan and I woke up like :|. But all I remember is that Rupert Grint was the Red Swan."

And I just laughed so hard my lungs hurt. Again. :D Imagining that movie with Ron Weasley instead of Natalie Portman is just...hilarious.

I went from sitting here having a cry tonight (lol bloodsugar) to bouncy and happy. This pleases me.

So...this is just a hole in the ground right?! Everyone else is seeing what I'm seeing? This is a hole in the ground in Camden for rent for 320 quid a week? I am sure that isn't what is actually on offer here, at least I hope not. But a quick check at the floorplan leaves me baffled. Are they renting the ground and expecting you to build!?

I decided to look up properties on Foxton's on a whim because I freaking love that site. The manor houses they have for sale. The refurbished churches (this is the property where my characters Flynn and Quinn live. It's been for sale since I went to London in 2009!). The houseboats. THIS. It's only 16 million, why are you making that face?!

Oh, London. I love you, but seriously... I don't think I could ever live in a refurbished church. The viibbesssss. But an old manor house I could do! If I were a rich lady!

Dear Jen,

( You really need to see this video of Robert Webb performing Flashdance! )

<3

~Lara

I am currently watching The Brothers Grimm and I swear to motherfudge, I've actually gotten dumber.

No.

Really.

In other news, I submitted my MPN for my federal student loan, which I have been putting off since November. It took ten minutes. No one ever said I was bright.

Jacob and Wilhelm are eating my brain cells. This movie is like...the stupidest thing I have ever seen. It's over now though, so I can try to reclaim the rest of my scattered brain cells for tomorrow when I have to go into town.

Alison is the most horrifying person in the world. She stated that she could gross me out easier than I could gross her out, which I didn't even bother to argue with her because I am remarkably easy to gross out (just say the word 'toes' and you got me because gross gross ew) but she managed to gross out Leah.

No context, but believe me, it was memorable. And talking about bogeys.

Also, Simon Amstell's comedy show Do Nothing makes me grin. Watching him ramble on for an hour about anything is a pleasure, but when it includes him saying he loves boys who are thinner and more vulnerable than he is (which is saying something as he looks like this), talking about his rampant crush on Jared Leto and lines like "I do rather like Jesus, because who is more thin and vulnerable than he is?!" makes for a hell of a show. And he managed to round it all off in a lovely way. And make Leah nearly choke when he talked about meeting the person who had played younger Jared Leto and then having that person offer to show him a sex scene from the movie on his iPhone and it all being too much because it was too close to 'The Dream'.

Why did I kill you in role play, Simon Amstell? Why?