artemisofluna: (Vienna~Stephan's Dom Sunset)
( Jul. 28th, 2012 11:02 pm)
Birthday party with a 3-D TARDIS cake is awesome! This entire year was a Doctor Who year. I got a pen with a floating TARDIS, a TARDIS mug and a sonic screwdriver flashlight. The ninth/tenth doctor's of course. While Three is my favourite, his sonic screwdriver was this weird thing with red and yellow bits and it whirled and I did not love it. And Eleven's is wanky-doodle-dandy.

The most impressive part of this though is that I just lasted from 7-11pm at a party. Being social. And I have only retired to my room because I am tired now. But I talked and I was SO charming. Hurrah!

TARDIS cake!

(All my Doctor Who icons have been deactivated because my subscription to extra userpics ran out dammit!)
artemisofluna: (Vienna~Stephan's Dom Sunset)
( Jul. 28th, 2012 11:02 pm)
Birthday party with a 3-D TARDIS cake is awesome! This entire year was a Doctor Who year. I got a pen with a floating TARDIS, a TARDIS mug and a sonic screwdriver flashlight. The ninth/tenth doctor's of course. While Three is my favourite, his sonic screwdriver was this weird thing with red and yellow bits and it whirled and I did not love it. And Eleven's is wanky-doodle-dandy.

The most impressive part of this though is that I just lasted from 7-11pm at a party. Being social. And I have only retired to my room because I am tired now. But I talked and I was SO charming. Hurrah!

TARDIS cake!

(All my Doctor Who icons have been deactivated because my subscription to extra userpics ran out dammit!)
artemisofluna: (Amanda Palmer~With Hera)
( Jan. 25th, 2012 08:49 pm)
My house mates are currently hanging out at a Dresden Dolls soundcheck. I am so excited for them. Then they will be at the concert which I am not going to because I don't really enjoy concerts. I did go to the ninja gig yesterday though and it was awesome. My favourite part was actually talking to Hera but shhh. It was AWESOME and I got some kickass photos.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow for more blood tests just to make sure everything is still okay in the face of this fatigue. Then I am sending off like 5 applications. Today my doctor upped my does of citalopram so I can fight the depression as well as the anxiety. Of course the first week after you mess with meds is always crappy. I might wait until tomorrow after I get the blood test so I don't panic about leaving the house. At least needles don't bother me! But no reason to make myself feel worse before attempting to arrange things. Blah.

I have a cold so I am currently lamenting that I can't sing! Yesterday in an attempt not to spread my disease to Amanda Palmer I told her no hugs and so she headbutted my hip. It was amusing. I wouldn't hug Hera either so she airhugged me!

Hopefully I'll get myself sorted soon. I have a doctor note for sickness benefit. So now I just have to send it in.
artemisofluna: (Amanda Palmer~With Hera)
( Jan. 25th, 2012 08:49 pm)
My house mates are currently hanging out at a Dresden Dolls soundcheck. I am so excited for them. Then they will be at the concert which I am not going to because I don't really enjoy concerts. I did go to the ninja gig yesterday though and it was awesome. My favourite part was actually talking to Hera but shhh. It was AWESOME and I got some kickass photos.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow for more blood tests just to make sure everything is still okay in the face of this fatigue. Then I am sending off like 5 applications. Today my doctor upped my does of citalopram so I can fight the depression as well as the anxiety. Of course the first week after you mess with meds is always crappy. I might wait until tomorrow after I get the blood test so I don't panic about leaving the house. At least needles don't bother me! But no reason to make myself feel worse before attempting to arrange things. Blah.

I have a cold so I am currently lamenting that I can't sing! Yesterday in an attempt not to spread my disease to Amanda Palmer I told her no hugs and so she headbutted my hip. It was amusing. I wouldn't hug Hera either so she airhugged me!

Hopefully I'll get myself sorted soon. I have a doctor note for sickness benefit. So now I just have to send it in.
artemisofluna: (SPN~O Death)
( Jan. 23rd, 2012 12:07 am)
Been avoiding my journal because LJ pisses me off. So here's a quick update:

Back in New Zealand. Being in the US and avoiding real life was awesome. Now I have to do actual decisions though. Calling WINZ tomorrow to look in to going on disability for chronic fatigue since I still completely crash out of nowhere and just can't do anything. Then I need to up my meds because being sick for so long is depressing and what I'm on isn't enough any more.

Also I have a cold which I am sure I got from the plane.

BUT I am back with my kitties and my housemates. They are such lovely people. I couldn't ask for better people to be with while I slog my way through this.

Once I figure out what I am doing next year, then I need to just get better. Because really? I'd like my life to continue and it feels like it has just stalled. I don't like it.
artemisofluna: (SPN~O Death)
( Jan. 23rd, 2012 12:07 am)
Been avoiding my journal because LJ pisses me off. So here's a quick update:

Back in New Zealand. Being in the US and avoiding real life was awesome. Now I have to do actual decisions though. Calling WINZ tomorrow to look in to going on disability for chronic fatigue since I still completely crash out of nowhere and just can't do anything. Then I need to up my meds because being sick for so long is depressing and what I'm on isn't enough any more.

Also I have a cold which I am sure I got from the plane.

BUT I am back with my kitties and my housemates. They are such lovely people. I couldn't ask for better people to be with while I slog my way through this.

Once I figure out what I am doing next year, then I need to just get better. Because really? I'd like my life to continue and it feels like it has just stalled. I don't like it.
You must all be so glad when you see a post from me these days. I can feel the excitement from here. I am so sorry this is all I talk about now. But seriously, I can't think about anything else when I feel so wretched.

I finished my law essay and went to class today. Class was okay because I was just sitting there. And I actually enjoyed being a loud-mouthed and opinionated pushy girl so that was nice. Then I had to go turn in my essay on the 6th floor of the history building. I didn't walk up the stairs because my knees can't take it, but I decided to walk down because I hate elevators and hey, we're still getting enough aftershocks that I filled my waterbottle up before I even got in the elevator to go up just in case one knocked the power out and I got stuck.

So I was walking down the stairs and I kept shaking. Mad, knee-knocking, entire body-trembling shaking. And it got gradually worse and worse as I went down. When I was on the third floor, I just burst into tears because I was shaking so badly. Strangely enough, my lecturer was returning to his office which is on the third floor so he whisked me in there and got me some tea while I sobbed on his desk about how I can't even walk down a flight of stairs. I finally managed to suck it up and head for the bus. During the ride Simon was kind enough to keep me distracted so I didn't sob the entire way home.

I napped for several hours and then ate tacos and lots of fruit. I still feel like hell. I think it's actually just one of those days I am stupidly overtired and my blood sugar isn't cooperating and there's nothing I can do about it. I have been eating all day to try to fix it. It tends to work itself out eventually but in the meantime I feel rotten inside. I seriously just ate a huge meal, a nectarine, a mandarin and a banana and I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

I hate my stupid body. (And I have to keep telling myself I am not dying because of my anxiety. SUCH FUN.)
You must all be so glad when you see a post from me these days. I can feel the excitement from here. I am so sorry this is all I talk about now. But seriously, I can't think about anything else when I feel so wretched.

I finished my law essay and went to class today. Class was okay because I was just sitting there. And I actually enjoyed being a loud-mouthed and opinionated pushy girl so that was nice. Then I had to go turn in my essay on the 6th floor of the history building. I didn't walk up the stairs because my knees can't take it, but I decided to walk down because I hate elevators and hey, we're still getting enough aftershocks that I filled my waterbottle up before I even got in the elevator to go up just in case one knocked the power out and I got stuck.

So I was walking down the stairs and I kept shaking. Mad, knee-knocking, entire body-trembling shaking. And it got gradually worse and worse as I went down. When I was on the third floor, I just burst into tears because I was shaking so badly. Strangely enough, my lecturer was returning to his office which is on the third floor so he whisked me in there and got me some tea while I sobbed on his desk about how I can't even walk down a flight of stairs. I finally managed to suck it up and head for the bus. During the ride Simon was kind enough to keep me distracted so I didn't sob the entire way home.

I napped for several hours and then ate tacos and lots of fruit. I still feel like hell. I think it's actually just one of those days I am stupidly overtired and my blood sugar isn't cooperating and there's nothing I can do about it. I have been eating all day to try to fix it. It tends to work itself out eventually but in the meantime I feel rotten inside. I seriously just ate a huge meal, a nectarine, a mandarin and a banana and I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

I hate my stupid body. (And I have to keep telling myself I am not dying because of my anxiety. SUCH FUN.)
artemisofluna: (ST:TNG~Crusher will drink your brains!)
( May. 31st, 2011 07:28 am)
I've been sleeping better, and when I woke up with a funny feeling throat thanks to the cold I am developing, I didn't panic. Which is awesomely amazing. First time.

Yesterday I had class which went really well, except that I was 40 minutes late. Why? I walked to the vet to get a flea treatment for the new kitten, Echo. But when I had printed out my assignment, I had taken my wallet out of my bag to get my student ID to write it on the cover sheet. I did this at home, so at least I didn't leave my wallet somewhere public, but it wasn't in my bag at the vet's. :|. I had been planning on taking the bus from there to uni to turn in my medical withdrawal form and turn in my assignment with plenty of time to get to class. Except then I had to walk home. And then the bus was late. And then it stopped to let about 500 kids on, which is fine as that is what a bus is for, but they were stupid kids and took forever to wrestle before boarding the bus and then struggling to find their own wallets. And then the student services office had moved. And then I got lost trying to find it. And then I had to cross campus to turn in my assignment. And then the bus to the Dovedale campus took forever too. So yes. Late. But I didn't panic then either. Hurrah.

Today I have a meeting with Anxiety Support Canterbury. I am going to discuss counselling and group with work them. And I am not anxious about the meeting at all. I can't even describe how that feels.

So instead I am about to post 25 photos of kittens. Yesterday the sun was streaming in and since my flash is as bright as a thousand suns and washes everything out, I decided to take photos of the cats with natural light so people could see what they really looked like. And then the photos looked amazing. So I took like...150. Shut up, these are freaking gorgeous. The cats and the pictures ;)

You should be glad there are only 25... )
artemisofluna: (ST:TNG~Crusher will drink your brains!)
( May. 31st, 2011 07:28 am)
I've been sleeping better, and when I woke up with a funny feeling throat thanks to the cold I am developing, I didn't panic. Which is awesomely amazing. First time.

Yesterday I had class which went really well, except that I was 40 minutes late. Why? I walked to the vet to get a flea treatment for the new kitten, Echo. But when I had printed out my assignment, I had taken my wallet out of my bag to get my student ID to write it on the cover sheet. I did this at home, so at least I didn't leave my wallet somewhere public, but it wasn't in my bag at the vet's. :|. I had been planning on taking the bus from there to uni to turn in my medical withdrawal form and turn in my assignment with plenty of time to get to class. Except then I had to walk home. And then the bus was late. And then it stopped to let about 500 kids on, which is fine as that is what a bus is for, but they were stupid kids and took forever to wrestle before boarding the bus and then struggling to find their own wallets. And then the student services office had moved. And then I got lost trying to find it. And then I had to cross campus to turn in my assignment. And then the bus to the Dovedale campus took forever too. So yes. Late. But I didn't panic then either. Hurrah.

Today I have a meeting with Anxiety Support Canterbury. I am going to discuss counselling and group with work them. And I am not anxious about the meeting at all. I can't even describe how that feels.

So instead I am about to post 25 photos of kittens. Yesterday the sun was streaming in and since my flash is as bright as a thousand suns and washes everything out, I decided to take photos of the cats with natural light so people could see what they really looked like. And then the photos looked amazing. So I took like...150. Shut up, these are freaking gorgeous. The cats and the pictures ;)

You should be glad there are only 25... )
artemisofluna: (Noir~Scarlet Woman)
( May. 29th, 2011 05:56 pm)
I have three assignments due in the next two weeks, but I have just finished one. My case study (easy peasy) is due on Friday and it is only 2,000 words. I just wrote 1,00 rambly words on service users and blah de blah for social policy. And then I have a 3,000-3,500 word essay on more social policy stuff and I cannot possibly express how bland I find social policy. But oh god. OH GOD.

My mouth is feeling slightly dry again today, but I think it's actually just because I'm having an off day and I am feeling a little (I just typed 'Littleton'...) anxious and depressed. And I think I am getting dear Alison's cold, though it could just be allergies!

I think the kitten is going to be named Echo. If you saw her, you would know why. She's a runty little thing. She needs a small name. And she is not stately. So something grandiose just doesn't fit. Echo or Clio, though I am now 99% sure it's Echo. I'll sleep on it, though feel free to weigh in there! I like opinions! She is adorable though. Every once in a while she just darts over and jumps up for a cuddle. She's perfect.

Tomorrow I have to remember to pick up a flea treatment from the vet for the new kitten, drop off my essay, hand in my form for withdrawing from my placement (asking why it has taken this long will only result in me ranting your ear off, so I would advise against it) and then going to class from 4:10 until 7. And THEN stuffing my face full of curry. Must remember to go to an ATM some time tomorrow too. Need cash for Indian foods.

I actually wrote today too. Not just essay stuff. It was wonderful. ...oh right. I should eat dinner. You know, if my appetite could return to me full time, that'd be nice too. :|
artemisofluna: (Noir~Scarlet Woman)
( May. 29th, 2011 05:56 pm)
I have three assignments due in the next two weeks, but I have just finished one. My case study (easy peasy) is due on Friday and it is only 2,000 words. I just wrote 1,00 rambly words on service users and blah de blah for social policy. And then I have a 3,000-3,500 word essay on more social policy stuff and I cannot possibly express how bland I find social policy. But oh god. OH GOD.

My mouth is feeling slightly dry again today, but I think it's actually just because I'm having an off day and I am feeling a little (I just typed 'Littleton'...) anxious and depressed. And I think I am getting dear Alison's cold, though it could just be allergies!

I think the kitten is going to be named Echo. If you saw her, you would know why. She's a runty little thing. She needs a small name. And she is not stately. So something grandiose just doesn't fit. Echo or Clio, though I am now 99% sure it's Echo. I'll sleep on it, though feel free to weigh in there! I like opinions! She is adorable though. Every once in a while she just darts over and jumps up for a cuddle. She's perfect.

Tomorrow I have to remember to pick up a flea treatment from the vet for the new kitten, drop off my essay, hand in my form for withdrawing from my placement (asking why it has taken this long will only result in me ranting your ear off, so I would advise against it) and then going to class from 4:10 until 7. And THEN stuffing my face full of curry. Must remember to go to an ATM some time tomorrow too. Need cash for Indian foods.

I actually wrote today too. Not just essay stuff. It was wonderful. ...oh right. I should eat dinner. You know, if my appetite could return to me full time, that'd be nice too. :|
artemisofluna: (Joy Division~The Sadness)
( May. 29th, 2011 08:25 am)
I got another cat. Because I am insane. She is nameless and currently curled up on my shoulder. She's tiny and awkward which is why I love her. The awkward part, I am aware she will grow. She needs a name.

I think the newest side effect of the meds is insomnia, though at least that's relatively normal for me. But I can't sleep longer than a few hours at a time, even when Helios isn't waking me up. So it's 8:30 in the morning and I have been awake since about 5. And while the good days are really good and the bad days have usually meant I am extra-anxious, this is a bad day and instead I am depressed. I feel like I might snap someone's head off.

It's not awesome.
artemisofluna: (Joy Division~The Sadness)
( May. 29th, 2011 08:25 am)
I got another cat. Because I am insane. She is nameless and currently curled up on my shoulder. She's tiny and awkward which is why I love her. The awkward part, I am aware she will grow. She needs a name.

I think the newest side effect of the meds is insomnia, though at least that's relatively normal for me. But I can't sleep longer than a few hours at a time, even when Helios isn't waking me up. So it's 8:30 in the morning and I have been awake since about 5. And while the good days are really good and the bad days have usually meant I am extra-anxious, this is a bad day and instead I am depressed. I feel like I might snap someone's head off.

It's not awesome.
artemisofluna: (Free Breakfast 22.95)
( May. 20th, 2011 03:01 am)
Didn't make three meals today, but I made two! And cake. A HUGE PIECE OF CAKE. Awww yeah! Gosh cake is an amazing invention. Caaaaaake. Cake.

Alison is coming home tomorrow. I am making chili because it has been again demanded. So I will leave the house to get rolls and wine in the afternoon tomorrow. Because I believe all are needed. And then this weekend I get to try out a new cupcake recipe. It is here. I am excite!

Also I finally put in for my refund from my student loans. Because it finally got approved and finally got here. So I should get my money in the next few days. It's nearly June. But you know. WHATEVER. :| At least it's nearly here. I shouldn't complain any more, but what a freaking ordeal. This means I can spend the money I just got from working on DVDs on the interwebs. MWUAHA!

My sleep schedule is so stupidly messed up. But I have cute kitties! And I am watching Danny Bhoy and reading about Celtic mythology. <3
artemisofluna: (Free Breakfast 22.95)
( May. 20th, 2011 03:01 am)
Didn't make three meals today, but I made two! And cake. A HUGE PIECE OF CAKE. Awww yeah! Gosh cake is an amazing invention. Caaaaaake. Cake.

Alison is coming home tomorrow. I am making chili because it has been again demanded. So I will leave the house to get rolls and wine in the afternoon tomorrow. Because I believe all are needed. And then this weekend I get to try out a new cupcake recipe. It is here. I am excite!

Also I finally put in for my refund from my student loans. Because it finally got approved and finally got here. So I should get my money in the next few days. It's nearly June. But you know. WHATEVER. :| At least it's nearly here. I shouldn't complain any more, but what a freaking ordeal. This means I can spend the money I just got from working on DVDs on the interwebs. MWUAHA!

My sleep schedule is so stupidly messed up. But I have cute kitties! And I am watching Danny Bhoy and reading about Celtic mythology. <3
artemisofluna: (Tea~Tea Break)
( May. 18th, 2011 07:43 pm)
My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!
artemisofluna: (Tea~Tea Break)
( May. 18th, 2011 07:43 pm)
My mouth is finally getting back to normal, which means it isn't drying out at every opportunity so I have to stay up all night with a water bottle in my face, dripping it on my tongue. And that isn't an exaggeration, I actually did that. Dry mouth is like...one of the worst things I have ever experienced, physically. It was worse than asthma because it made my tongue all huge and I couldn't talk right and that freaked me out so I had anxiety attacks and couldn't breathe anyway. And my mouth hurt because it dried out if I didn't drink water constantly. And I was always aware of it. It's still the tiniest bit dry, but nothing like it has been, and my tongue feels like it fits in my face now.

YOU ALL NEEDED TO KNOW THESE MINUTE DETAILS ABOUT ANXIETY MEDICATION SIDE EFFECTS. Okay, you probably didn't, but now you do anyway ;) And really, if that is the worst side effect they give me, I can deal. But I am saying that now because it seems to be over! It seems like such a minor thing, but oh dear GOD it was a week and a half of quite an ordeal.

Now there is chicken ceasar salad (oh god, I just ate so much of it which is so good) and Silent Hill, which is so atmospheric and the music is pretty and there are monsters and I have random threads to start in FS and the kitten is sleeping beside me. I feel happy and warm and loved and lucky. And calm. I feel calm.

Thank everything for that.

Now I just have to start eating more again. I still have no appetite, which bothers me. My clothes are all way too big. Like...it is impressive how much weight I lost in two weeks (yes, I am not pleased about this). So tomorrow I am going to eat three meals. I know, right? I CAN DO THIS!
artemisofluna: (Photography~Sad Kitty)
( May. 17th, 2011 11:59 am)
I feel weird today. Just off. Things have been better, anxiety-wise, the past few days. And now I feel off again. The silver lining is that I don't feel full-on panicky. Though that is why it took me a little while to realise it was anxiety and not being actually sick!
artemisofluna: (Photography~Sad Kitty)
( May. 17th, 2011 11:59 am)
I feel weird today. Just off. Things have been better, anxiety-wise, the past few days. And now I feel off again. The silver lining is that I don't feel full-on panicky. Though that is why it took me a little while to realise it was anxiety and not being actually sick!
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